Going insane. Can’t be with the woman I see every day Oct 7, 2021 20:33:45 GMT -5 cagedadventurer and itme like this
Post by mirrororchid on Oct 7, 2021 20:33:45 GMT -5
... "Honey, a marriage without physical union is not a marriage. ..., but I am not going to be a sex pest or beggar.
.... Stay friends, be decent but don't torture yourself. ...
I've been known around ILIASM to advocate for unilateral marriage opening but I don't think I have yet pointed out the Biblical precedent cagedadventurer just did.
King Solomon prayed for, and received, divine wisdom from God. He was the wisest man to ever live or possibly can live. No man can surpass divine wisdom, now can they?
Solomon had multiple wives.
This was a decision he made not despite being the wisest man, but because taking multiple wives was wise. At least as wise a decision as any man could make in Solomon's position! What situation called for polygamy? I don't recall the reason given. I find it plausible that refusal to engage in intimacy would be a good one. Maybe it's not. Too bad we can't ask.
There is no mention of any wife divorcing Solomon nor any marriage lapsing. It calls into question the assertion that "defiling the marriage bed" is automatic grounds for divorce. Perhaps having multiple lovers is not defiling the marriage bed in every case?
It may be that it's only women defiling the bed that is grounds for divorce? And men can do so, at least some of the time, without injury. (just sticking to the Bible here, ladies, I'm not supporting the OPP in any way.)
I informed my wife that celibacy was not sustainable and she may have understood how dire things were, but the important part was she did nothing. I sought the intimate company of a second wife, as Solomon had, at some point, for the same reason, or another...I wasn't there.
My wife then re-engaged and began initiating intimacy.
You see, I vowed to have and hold, love honor and cherish my wife. My having intimacy with another when my wife was only bothered by my attention...didn't nullify any of those other promises/vows.
The one vow it bends is to forsake others. Not ALL others. All others but one. A sexual girlfriend.
This is no different when your wife forsook all, including you.
She dropped the word "others" from her vow. What good was it to make that vow then not keep it?
How is it not permissible for you to drop one single word of your choosing? The word "all"?
But...I get it. She's "your girl". You shouldn't have to. And you need not.
I simply say, you'd be well within your rights and your vows need not be an all or nothing deal. Mine weren't.
I'd like to repeat my urging that you read CSL's essays including permissible demonstrations of displeasure that do not invoke threats of divorce.
I wish to leave off on an unfortunately unkind note. I palpably feel your Godly devotion to your marriage and wife. You claim she is equally devout.
What is your proof?
If she lost faith but claimed it held firm, how could you know? Perhaps she will find any arguments about maintaining a physical relationship as holy to be uncompelling and her own needs/wants/desires/whims trump what the Good Book may tell her is righteous.
It's important to point this out if I'm recommending Godly, restrained, righteous methods by which to get through to her.
northstarmom - "...you need to have the guts to talk to her about what's bothering her instead of lying to her. If your church is important, you can do this in pastoral counseling. "
CSL's essays include this suggestion, but with a decisive twist towards action in the Addressing the Sexless marriage series. On his website, or on the *