Post by mirrororchid on Mar 24, 2022 5:00:56 GMT -5
The start of this essay series is found here.
While the definition of Love defied me by its ubiquity and ambiguation, "Honor" hides in the abstract.
There's Honor Thy Mother and Father, Scout's Honor, Honorable discharge, the Honors level of classes, the honoring we'll do to our spouse until we die, and our Honor that decides how long we sit in the hoosegow.
Luckily there's overlap there.
Most of them appear to be societal esteem bestowed upon the recipient of honor, verb and noun.
We claim to be "honored" to be asked to do a job that's seen as holding great value or respect.
There may well be forms of honor not fitting this definition, but for now, I'm going with this as the meaning behind the marital vow.
In my hubristic Love essay, I claim that one is promising to "sacrifice without expectation of compensation" when one vows to love a spouse until death.
Analogously, I suppose I am claiming we are promising to bestow societal esteem upon our partners; to elevate them in the community, to have others look upon them with admiration and/or approval.
We can do this through providing assistance or promotion of their community efforts, or helping to rectify mistakes.
On the opposite side, we can look the other way for our spouse's faux pas or attempt to downplay the offense as we make corrections. We can refrain from making criticism of our own except that which may serve to elevate our spouse's status long term, and ideally, where such constructive criticism cannot be overheard.
We can avoid any type of sabotage of our spouse's reputation or accomplishments. We can sacrifice our smaller goals for their larger ones (some overlap with "love" there.)
Lovely concept, that.
It's an easier row to hoe for some than others.
We can marry people who are held in very low esteem and come across as naïve, foolish, or deceptive if we show no sign of recognizing obvious shortcomings.
We can be burdened with a spouse who does not honor their vow to honor and have to be the "bigger person" by not calling out faults in public when ours are announced.
We may stumble over gibes and teasing that does actual damage to our spouse's reputation.
We may hold our spouse in low regard ourselves, making our honoring feel hypocritical. We may resent the burden of stoic optimism for better times ahead.
Accidental addiction from a legit painkiller prescription, or a temporary bout of alcoholism due to the death of a loved one can leave us in a gray area.
Love ain't easy, but neither is honor sometimes.
The difficulty of holding one's tongue and lending assistance for improvement of social status can be exhausting and unfair; an easy ball to drop. Our own honor may be impeccable and we question the cost. Our efforts can be invested instead in our own honor and this may be the wise course of action to an unreceptive or unresponsive spouse.
The temptation grows to ignore the faults, avoid the spouse's company where the actions or lack thereof should be justified or softened. The need to hold one's tongue borders on the unbearable.
Acceptance of minor faults can mask impatience with faults deemed untenable. Communication can be seen as futile and efforts wasted. A careful monitoring of the situation may be required to await opportunities for escape from an entrenched concern. Navigating communication that constantly emphasizes silver linings and hope to avoid cynicism could make the vow of "honor" the most challenging one for some uneven marriages.
NEXT: Cherish
While the definition of Love defied me by its ubiquity and ambiguation, "Honor" hides in the abstract.
There's Honor Thy Mother and Father, Scout's Honor, Honorable discharge, the Honors level of classes, the honoring we'll do to our spouse until we die, and our Honor that decides how long we sit in the hoosegow.
Luckily there's overlap there.
Most of them appear to be societal esteem bestowed upon the recipient of honor, verb and noun.
We claim to be "honored" to be asked to do a job that's seen as holding great value or respect.
There may well be forms of honor not fitting this definition, but for now, I'm going with this as the meaning behind the marital vow.
In my hubristic Love essay, I claim that one is promising to "sacrifice without expectation of compensation" when one vows to love a spouse until death.
Analogously, I suppose I am claiming we are promising to bestow societal esteem upon our partners; to elevate them in the community, to have others look upon them with admiration and/or approval.
We can do this through providing assistance or promotion of their community efforts, or helping to rectify mistakes.
On the opposite side, we can look the other way for our spouse's faux pas or attempt to downplay the offense as we make corrections. We can refrain from making criticism of our own except that which may serve to elevate our spouse's status long term, and ideally, where such constructive criticism cannot be overheard.
We can avoid any type of sabotage of our spouse's reputation or accomplishments. We can sacrifice our smaller goals for their larger ones (some overlap with "love" there.)
Lovely concept, that.
It's an easier row to hoe for some than others.
We can marry people who are held in very low esteem and come across as naïve, foolish, or deceptive if we show no sign of recognizing obvious shortcomings.
We can be burdened with a spouse who does not honor their vow to honor and have to be the "bigger person" by not calling out faults in public when ours are announced.
We may stumble over gibes and teasing that does actual damage to our spouse's reputation.
We may hold our spouse in low regard ourselves, making our honoring feel hypocritical. We may resent the burden of stoic optimism for better times ahead.
Accidental addiction from a legit painkiller prescription, or a temporary bout of alcoholism due to the death of a loved one can leave us in a gray area.
Love ain't easy, but neither is honor sometimes.
The difficulty of holding one's tongue and lending assistance for improvement of social status can be exhausting and unfair; an easy ball to drop. Our own honor may be impeccable and we question the cost. Our efforts can be invested instead in our own honor and this may be the wise course of action to an unreceptive or unresponsive spouse.
The temptation grows to ignore the faults, avoid the spouse's company where the actions or lack thereof should be justified or softened. The need to hold one's tongue borders on the unbearable.
Acceptance of minor faults can mask impatience with faults deemed untenable. Communication can be seen as futile and efforts wasted. A careful monitoring of the situation may be required to await opportunities for escape from an entrenched concern. Navigating communication that constantly emphasizes silver linings and hope to avoid cynicism could make the vow of "honor" the most challenging one for some uneven marriages.
NEXT: Cherish
