Looking for the right "chemistry". A requirement for dating?
Apr 29, 2022 10:40:36 GMT -5
ironhamster and mirrororchid like this
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 29, 2022 10:40:36 GMT -5
medium.com/hello-love/the-best-explanation-of-why-you-feel-chemistry-with-someone-according-to-brain-research-50d3c149ad90
Have you ever walked into a room and felt so magnetically drawn to someone, that you couldn’t take your eyes off of them?
Studies have shown that it takes only a few milliseconds for you to decide whom you find attractive. The “chemistry” you feel doesn’t come from anywhere. It refers to an actual biochemical process in your body.
Discovering the following brain research finally helped me understand what this magical feeling is and why we feel it. It will also help you rethink if you want to choose your partner based on chemistry.
Your Human of Choice Represents an Unconscious Reward
“The brain activity of a person in love is like that of a drug addict craving his next fix.”
— Louann Brizendine, neuropsychiatrist
Simply said, seeing someone that you are attracted to activates your brain’s reward center. It signals to it that a desirable reward was created. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine are released, which make you feel incredibly euphoric.
Unfortunately, they also inhibit parts of your thinking brain, the prefrontal cortex. Acting rationally becomes harder and your brain mainly focuses on satisfying your craving for that person (the reward).
So yes, the person you consider hot, literally becomes your target.
Studies have even shown that during attraction, the same brain regions are activated as when drug addicts take cocaine or you eat sweets.
Here’s the essential part: it’s not the person itself but the anticipated reward that makes you release dopamine and feel the crazy fireworks. In other words: when you feel the chemistry, your body is getting “ready” for the reward (the person).
Why Some People Are a Reward for You and Others Aren’t
Think of it as the following:
If the person you are attracted to represents a reward for your brain, what part of that person makes them so rewarding specifically to you?
Science can’t fully answer that question (yet). Since “chemistry” happens automatically, your subconscious mind knows before your conscious one.
Here are the 3 most common explanations by researchers and psychologists that can help you find answers.
1. Attractive People Are More Rewarding
One reason you often find yourself magnetically drawn to good-looking individuals is that attractive people generally activate your brain’s reward circuitry. That means the hot guy or girl next door kicks off the same brain mechanisms as if you sniff a line of cocaine.
From an evolutionary perspective, attractive faces (and bodies) are a sign of good health and reproductive fitness. Thus, they are more rewarding to the subconscious part of your brain. But what even are attractive faces?
According to face researcher David Perret, attractiveness stems from two main components: symmetry and “averageness” — so whether the proportions match those with which you are most familiar.
So, when you feel the sparks with that hot someone it’s likely because they have a very symmetric and/or familiar face.
2. Early Love Objects Can Lay a Foundation for Your Rewards
„The selection of a mate is based upon unconscious signals by which the partners recognize in each other the possibility that they can jointly work through unresolved conflicts that exist intrapsychically in each of them.”
— Henry Dicks, 1967, psychiatrist
Freud, Strauss, and Kubie all believed in the following: The characteristics of early love objects, most likely your parents, highly influence your brain’s reward system. As a result, you are more likely to feel the “chemistry” with people who either represent characteristics that you loved or hated about your parents.
Let me give you an example: Maybe another person’s criticism reminds you of your critical mother. The subconscious “reward” for your brain is to finally solve a conflict you've had with your Mom — in the relationship with your partner. Maybe your father was an alcoholic. If you repeatedly find yourself having chemistry with addicts, your brain might finally want the “reward” of fixing them.
Similarly, psychologist Robert J. Sternberg believes that all humans are guided by a subconscious love story they want to complete.
He describes chemistry as the “positive feeling” you get when you meet someone who could be a potential match for completing your story.
Why? Because completing this story represents a reward for your brain.
3 Familiar People Are More Rewarding
As early as 1910 British psychologist Edward Titchener described a “glow of warmth” — the chemistry — you feel in the presence of someone familiar.
One reason why familiar people are more rewarding is that your brain can more easily process the perceived stimuli.
Familiarity doesn’t necessarily mean that you know this person. They might talk or treat you in a familiar way or smell similar to your ex. Again, many of the “familiar” stimuli are subconscious. It is what your brain labels as “safe” before your conscious mind can understand.
Brain scans have shown that the mere sight of someone familiar leads to the release of dopamine and norepinephrine, the main ingredients for “chemistry”. Just like Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to salivate upon hearing the bell before getting the reward (=food), your brain believes that future interactions with familiar people will be rewarding.
Chemistry Is Something Within You, Not Between You and the Other
If the sparks are all you are looking for, remember that your brain has just recognized a potential reward. That doesn’t necessarily mean this person is a good fit for you. Also, there is no guarantee the other person feels it too.
Unlike you activated their reward system for whatever reason, the “chemistry” is only within you. In an unpublished interview by attraction researchers Viren Swami and Karen Ryder, one of the participants said:
“One person can feel chemistry without the other person feeling chemistry. It isn’t actually something that exists between the two of you, it’s a feeling within yourself that you ascribe to being chemistry.[…]But actually, there’s no guarantee she’s feeling the same thing, which would suggest that chemistry is a falsehood.”
Remember, the crazy sparks you feel arise long before your rational brain even has a say. Don’t solely trust the “chemistry” in dating, make use of your conscious mind too!
Have you ever walked into a room and felt so magnetically drawn to someone, that you couldn’t take your eyes off of them?
Studies have shown that it takes only a few milliseconds for you to decide whom you find attractive. The “chemistry” you feel doesn’t come from anywhere. It refers to an actual biochemical process in your body.
Discovering the following brain research finally helped me understand what this magical feeling is and why we feel it. It will also help you rethink if you want to choose your partner based on chemistry.
Your Human of Choice Represents an Unconscious Reward
“The brain activity of a person in love is like that of a drug addict craving his next fix.”
— Louann Brizendine, neuropsychiatrist
Simply said, seeing someone that you are attracted to activates your brain’s reward center. It signals to it that a desirable reward was created. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine are released, which make you feel incredibly euphoric.
Unfortunately, they also inhibit parts of your thinking brain, the prefrontal cortex. Acting rationally becomes harder and your brain mainly focuses on satisfying your craving for that person (the reward).
So yes, the person you consider hot, literally becomes your target.
Studies have even shown that during attraction, the same brain regions are activated as when drug addicts take cocaine or you eat sweets.
Here’s the essential part: it’s not the person itself but the anticipated reward that makes you release dopamine and feel the crazy fireworks. In other words: when you feel the chemistry, your body is getting “ready” for the reward (the person).
Why Some People Are a Reward for You and Others Aren’t
Think of it as the following:
If the person you are attracted to represents a reward for your brain, what part of that person makes them so rewarding specifically to you?
Science can’t fully answer that question (yet). Since “chemistry” happens automatically, your subconscious mind knows before your conscious one.
Here are the 3 most common explanations by researchers and psychologists that can help you find answers.
1. Attractive People Are More Rewarding
One reason you often find yourself magnetically drawn to good-looking individuals is that attractive people generally activate your brain’s reward circuitry. That means the hot guy or girl next door kicks off the same brain mechanisms as if you sniff a line of cocaine.
From an evolutionary perspective, attractive faces (and bodies) are a sign of good health and reproductive fitness. Thus, they are more rewarding to the subconscious part of your brain. But what even are attractive faces?
According to face researcher David Perret, attractiveness stems from two main components: symmetry and “averageness” — so whether the proportions match those with which you are most familiar.
So, when you feel the sparks with that hot someone it’s likely because they have a very symmetric and/or familiar face.
2. Early Love Objects Can Lay a Foundation for Your Rewards
„The selection of a mate is based upon unconscious signals by which the partners recognize in each other the possibility that they can jointly work through unresolved conflicts that exist intrapsychically in each of them.”
— Henry Dicks, 1967, psychiatrist
Freud, Strauss, and Kubie all believed in the following: The characteristics of early love objects, most likely your parents, highly influence your brain’s reward system. As a result, you are more likely to feel the “chemistry” with people who either represent characteristics that you loved or hated about your parents.
Let me give you an example: Maybe another person’s criticism reminds you of your critical mother. The subconscious “reward” for your brain is to finally solve a conflict you've had with your Mom — in the relationship with your partner. Maybe your father was an alcoholic. If you repeatedly find yourself having chemistry with addicts, your brain might finally want the “reward” of fixing them.
Similarly, psychologist Robert J. Sternberg believes that all humans are guided by a subconscious love story they want to complete.
He describes chemistry as the “positive feeling” you get when you meet someone who could be a potential match for completing your story.
Why? Because completing this story represents a reward for your brain.
3 Familiar People Are More Rewarding
As early as 1910 British psychologist Edward Titchener described a “glow of warmth” — the chemistry — you feel in the presence of someone familiar.
One reason why familiar people are more rewarding is that your brain can more easily process the perceived stimuli.
Familiarity doesn’t necessarily mean that you know this person. They might talk or treat you in a familiar way or smell similar to your ex. Again, many of the “familiar” stimuli are subconscious. It is what your brain labels as “safe” before your conscious mind can understand.
Brain scans have shown that the mere sight of someone familiar leads to the release of dopamine and norepinephrine, the main ingredients for “chemistry”. Just like Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to salivate upon hearing the bell before getting the reward (=food), your brain believes that future interactions with familiar people will be rewarding.
Chemistry Is Something Within You, Not Between You and the Other
If the sparks are all you are looking for, remember that your brain has just recognized a potential reward. That doesn’t necessarily mean this person is a good fit for you. Also, there is no guarantee the other person feels it too.
Unlike you activated their reward system for whatever reason, the “chemistry” is only within you. In an unpublished interview by attraction researchers Viren Swami and Karen Ryder, one of the participants said:
“One person can feel chemistry without the other person feeling chemistry. It isn’t actually something that exists between the two of you, it’s a feeling within yourself that you ascribe to being chemistry.[…]But actually, there’s no guarantee she’s feeling the same thing, which would suggest that chemistry is a falsehood.”
Remember, the crazy sparks you feel arise long before your rational brain even has a say. Don’t solely trust the “chemistry” in dating, make use of your conscious mind too!