Having an affair while in a SM? Does it affect the family?
Oct 22, 2022 23:42:34 GMT -5
TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo and heelots like this
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 22, 2022 23:42:34 GMT -5
medium.com/@support_62109/whats-the-difference-between-your-spouse-and-adultery-partner-3c226b8a3cc7
CHADIE Foundation
CHADIE Foundation
Oct 16
·
7 min read
·
Listen
What’s the Difference Between Your Spouse and Adultery Partner?
As I have been interviewing, studying, researching, and writing about those who engage in and are victims of infidelity, adultery, and divorce, I have observed a few surprising things. Some are positive but most are negative.
In my observations, I have discovered what appears to be an intentional blindspot of those actively engaged in infidelity and adultery. Most, but not all, are willfully blind or ignorant of the differences between their faithful spouse and their adultery and infidelity partner. The critical distinctions between the two are lost on the cheating spouse or partner. Why? The decision to be unfaithful and cheat on a spouse is rarely, if ever, a rational choice; instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions. Most cheating spouses are surprised by their infidelity behavior at the start of their affair.
As I observed with my unfaithful wife, infidelity is a coping mechanism, like gambling, drinking, or other similar vices. In marriages, spouses might cheat not because they are dissatisfied with their spouse, but because they are dissatisfied with themselves. For happy marriages, when spouses cheat it’s less likely that the cheating spouse has fallen out of love with their spouse but rather they’re in love with the free, risk-taking, adventurous person they become when they’re having their affair.
Infidelity remains the number one reason that married and unmarried relationships end all across the world. While studies vary, one study suggests that 69 percent of marriages break up as a result of an affair being discovered. (It’s important to note that because of the secretive nature of affairs, and the personal and public shame from them that follows, it is likely that current studies are limited in their accuracy due to the lack of forthrightness of those reporting.)
Critical Distinctions Between a Spouse and Adultery Partner
In general, a spouse is committed to their marriage and has accepted the responsibility of marriage, children, financial responsibility, and marital fidelity. They have sacrificed for their spouse, children, and marriage. This sacrifice and commitment to marriage include time, money, emotion, etc. for their marriage and children. An adultery or affair partner has not made the same commitment to their cheating adultery partner nor do they honor marriage and fidelity to one’s spouse. At most, an adultery partner has committed some time, money, emotion, and sex to their affair. The lack of commitment from an affair partner is clearly evidenced in their secretive behavior and through extensive research and studies.
Based on recent studies, fewer than 25 percent of adulterers leave a marriage for an affair partner. This means that less than 1 in 4 cheaters will leave their spouse for their adultery or affair partner. Research suggests between 3–5% of affairs will end in marriage. (Some research suggests it is 5–7%.) For those affairs that do end in marriage, they are highly unlikely to last. A second marriage that begins with infidelity, statistically speaking, will most likely end in divorce within two years. Research suggests 75 percent of second marriages fail, a rate half again as high as first marriages. This research suggests that about 1–3% achieve stability and happiness.
So, why do marriages that begin as affairs end? The very elements that create an exciting and intoxicating affair are the fuel that consumes the relationship when it becomes a marriage. This is because the affair is fueled by lust and not love. Such marriages begin on extremely weak foundations of “infidelity” that collapse under the strain of everyday life. When the affair is at its peak, the ‘adultery partners’ are blinded to the inevitability that the ‘romance consumes itself’ because it is based on lust. Those caught up in the lust of an affair nearly always imagine that they are the exceptions to an established pattern of human affairs. They are almost always wrong.
In the book, Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy, Dr. Frank Pittman outlines nine defects that flaw a second marriage that begins as an affair.
Cheaters are More Likely to Cheat Again
Based on a recent study, people who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times (3x) more likely to cheat again. Love doesn’t lead to cheating, lust does.
In the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers had nearly 500 people answer questions about at least two different romantic relationships. Of the research participants, 44 percent reported having sex with someone outside of their current relationship during their study. (Interestingly enough, the study finding is also backed up by earlier research study findings.)
People who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat again.
How Do Affairs and Infidelity Hurt Spouses and Children?
When a parent is unfaithful, it can make children wonder what’s real — and what’s not. “When a parent is unfaithful, it can cause a child to question the stability they felt at home,” Dr. Cassandra LeClair, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of “Being Whole: Healing from Trauma and Reclaiming My Voice” stated.
Research suggests betrayal trauma symptoms are deeply impactful and may have long-term effects on one’s mental health. Experiencing betrayal, a form of emotional abuse may cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, impaired sleeping, depression, anxiety, confusion, distrust, and dissociation, are common.
The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.
When affairs occur, children may feel unsure about who to trust, and more importantly, who to show their love towards. “They may feel a sense of betrayal and confusion about loyalty,” says Dr. LeClair. “If they have been taught to be honest and care about others’ feelings, they may question why their role models did not have to follow the same rules.” So when parents think, ‘My infidelity or adultery doesn’t involve my children. It has nothing to do with my children,’ they’re lying to themselves.
The long-term effects of parental infidelity often run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.
Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others. Let’s break this down into simple numbers — 3 out of 4 children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 8 of 10 children say their parent’s infidelity shapes the way they think about romance and relationships, and 7 of 10 children say that their parent’s infidelity affects their trust of others. The research, and common sense for that matter, clearly show how infidelity and affairs are immeasurably damaging to families and children.
What happens to children impacted by parental infidelity? When these children grow up and move on do they carry the wounds of infidelity with them, and how does this impact their relationships and marriages? Do they carry the wounds of infidelity with them? Studies show that children from cheating homes are twice as likely to be unfaithful. In the study, “Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity,” children of parents who cheated were more likely to cheat as adults, too.
Key Takeaways
Adultery and affair partners are far more likely to get what they want from the affair and move on. Their commitment only goes as far as the convenience and thrill of the experience. Around 1 in 10 cheaters leave their spouse for their infidelity partner. There is a growing body of research and evidence proving that the rise of infidelity is only increasing the rate of divorce — not marriages that began as affairs. Marriages that last are not built on infidelity or affairs. Most marriages that begin as affairs end in divorce or another affair.
CHADIE Foundation
CHADIE Foundation
Oct 16
·
7 min read
·
Listen
What’s the Difference Between Your Spouse and Adultery Partner?
As I have been interviewing, studying, researching, and writing about those who engage in and are victims of infidelity, adultery, and divorce, I have observed a few surprising things. Some are positive but most are negative.
In my observations, I have discovered what appears to be an intentional blindspot of those actively engaged in infidelity and adultery. Most, but not all, are willfully blind or ignorant of the differences between their faithful spouse and their adultery and infidelity partner. The critical distinctions between the two are lost on the cheating spouse or partner. Why? The decision to be unfaithful and cheat on a spouse is rarely, if ever, a rational choice; instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions. Most cheating spouses are surprised by their infidelity behavior at the start of their affair.
As I observed with my unfaithful wife, infidelity is a coping mechanism, like gambling, drinking, or other similar vices. In marriages, spouses might cheat not because they are dissatisfied with their spouse, but because they are dissatisfied with themselves. For happy marriages, when spouses cheat it’s less likely that the cheating spouse has fallen out of love with their spouse but rather they’re in love with the free, risk-taking, adventurous person they become when they’re having their affair.
Infidelity remains the number one reason that married and unmarried relationships end all across the world. While studies vary, one study suggests that 69 percent of marriages break up as a result of an affair being discovered. (It’s important to note that because of the secretive nature of affairs, and the personal and public shame from them that follows, it is likely that current studies are limited in their accuracy due to the lack of forthrightness of those reporting.)
Critical Distinctions Between a Spouse and Adultery Partner
In general, a spouse is committed to their marriage and has accepted the responsibility of marriage, children, financial responsibility, and marital fidelity. They have sacrificed for their spouse, children, and marriage. This sacrifice and commitment to marriage include time, money, emotion, etc. for their marriage and children. An adultery or affair partner has not made the same commitment to their cheating adultery partner nor do they honor marriage and fidelity to one’s spouse. At most, an adultery partner has committed some time, money, emotion, and sex to their affair. The lack of commitment from an affair partner is clearly evidenced in their secretive behavior and through extensive research and studies.
Based on recent studies, fewer than 25 percent of adulterers leave a marriage for an affair partner. This means that less than 1 in 4 cheaters will leave their spouse for their adultery or affair partner. Research suggests between 3–5% of affairs will end in marriage. (Some research suggests it is 5–7%.) For those affairs that do end in marriage, they are highly unlikely to last. A second marriage that begins with infidelity, statistically speaking, will most likely end in divorce within two years. Research suggests 75 percent of second marriages fail, a rate half again as high as first marriages. This research suggests that about 1–3% achieve stability and happiness.
So, why do marriages that begin as affairs end? The very elements that create an exciting and intoxicating affair are the fuel that consumes the relationship when it becomes a marriage. This is because the affair is fueled by lust and not love. Such marriages begin on extremely weak foundations of “infidelity” that collapse under the strain of everyday life. When the affair is at its peak, the ‘adultery partners’ are blinded to the inevitability that the ‘romance consumes itself’ because it is based on lust. Those caught up in the lust of an affair nearly always imagine that they are the exceptions to an established pattern of human affairs. They are almost always wrong.
In the book, Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy, Dr. Frank Pittman outlines nine defects that flaw a second marriage that begins as an affair.
Cheaters are More Likely to Cheat Again
Based on a recent study, people who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times (3x) more likely to cheat again. Love doesn’t lead to cheating, lust does.
In the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers had nearly 500 people answer questions about at least two different romantic relationships. Of the research participants, 44 percent reported having sex with someone outside of their current relationship during their study. (Interestingly enough, the study finding is also backed up by earlier research study findings.)
People who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat again.
How Do Affairs and Infidelity Hurt Spouses and Children?
When a parent is unfaithful, it can make children wonder what’s real — and what’s not. “When a parent is unfaithful, it can cause a child to question the stability they felt at home,” Dr. Cassandra LeClair, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of “Being Whole: Healing from Trauma and Reclaiming My Voice” stated.
Research suggests betrayal trauma symptoms are deeply impactful and may have long-term effects on one’s mental health. Experiencing betrayal, a form of emotional abuse may cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, impaired sleeping, depression, anxiety, confusion, distrust, and dissociation, are common.
The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.
When affairs occur, children may feel unsure about who to trust, and more importantly, who to show their love towards. “They may feel a sense of betrayal and confusion about loyalty,” says Dr. LeClair. “If they have been taught to be honest and care about others’ feelings, they may question why their role models did not have to follow the same rules.” So when parents think, ‘My infidelity or adultery doesn’t involve my children. It has nothing to do with my children,’ they’re lying to themselves.
The long-term effects of parental infidelity often run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.
Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others. Let’s break this down into simple numbers — 3 out of 4 children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 8 of 10 children say their parent’s infidelity shapes the way they think about romance and relationships, and 7 of 10 children say that their parent’s infidelity affects their trust of others. The research, and common sense for that matter, clearly show how infidelity and affairs are immeasurably damaging to families and children.
What happens to children impacted by parental infidelity? When these children grow up and move on do they carry the wounds of infidelity with them, and how does this impact their relationships and marriages? Do they carry the wounds of infidelity with them? Studies show that children from cheating homes are twice as likely to be unfaithful. In the study, “Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity,” children of parents who cheated were more likely to cheat as adults, too.
Key Takeaways
Adultery and affair partners are far more likely to get what they want from the affair and move on. Their commitment only goes as far as the convenience and thrill of the experience. Around 1 in 10 cheaters leave their spouse for their infidelity partner. There is a growing body of research and evidence proving that the rise of infidelity is only increasing the rate of divorce — not marriages that began as affairs. Marriages that last are not built on infidelity or affairs. Most marriages that begin as affairs end in divorce or another affair.
