Post by greatcoastal on Nov 20, 2022 19:00:30 GMT -5
medium.com/@rodr4860/ive-felt-more-seen-by-women-after-one-date-than-i-ever-felt-seen-by-my-ex-wife-a72d43144ca6
I’ve felt more seen by women after one date than I ever felt seen by my ex-wife.
Yes, even after being married for 10 years.
The title of this blog says it all.
To say — and feel — that a complete stranger has seen your value, worth, and positive qualities more than your ex ever did is…shall we say…a telling indictment of your marriage.
But it’s the honest to God truth. At least from my perspective.
My ex never made me feel sexy. She never made me feel desired.
After the courting and honeymoon phase, our marriage became mechanical. It became all about the kids. By the end of it, our marriage felt emotionally withdrawn at best. Emotionally neglectful at worst.
I undoubtedly played a role in this dynamic.
But even when our marriage was on life support, I was still trying. I was pursuing her romantically. Being physically affectionate. Growing. Reading. Praying. Reflecting. Dragging her to marital counseling in order to “make the marriage work.”
Not only was none of it working; I began to wonder whether it ever had been working.
By the end of my marriage, I felt like I was married to a living corpse. I felt like I was married to someone who was completely emotionally checked out, but wouldn’t admit it.
I vividly remember calling her one day while I was at work asking her if she still wanted to be married. Her response was: “sure.”
I should have known at that point that she had completely checked out. But I had a bad habit of not quitting.
I’m sure she had her reasons to call it quits. We all do. (Reference Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen’s marital fallout here).
But what I’ve discovered in the past few years — after going on quite a few dates — is that there are parts of me that my ex-wife never saw in me. Things that she never affirmed.
Things that my dates have said to me. Things like I’m “sweet,” “sexy,” “smart,” “affectionate.” Things I never heard my ex-wife say. Things that made me think that maybe I had more value than my ex-wife made me feel like I had.
I hope that my ex-wife has had similar experiences with people she has went out on dates with since our marriage.
I hope that she also has encountered people who have affirmed things in her that maybe I didn’t see, or didn’t have the courage to verbally affirm in her.
Here’s one thing I know: I now know after going on dates that my ex-wife never loved in ways I needed to be loved.
This is why I’m convinced she gave me a gift by leaving me: she gave me the the opportunity to encounter women who saw my value and worth.
I can only hope that she has had the same kind of experience post-divorce.
Because we all deserve to feel loved and valued.
Yes, even ex’s.
I felt this article was just as applicable to many of the women here on ILIASM.
I’ve felt more seen by women after one date than I ever felt seen by my ex-wife.
Yes, even after being married for 10 years.
The title of this blog says it all.
To say — and feel — that a complete stranger has seen your value, worth, and positive qualities more than your ex ever did is…shall we say…a telling indictment of your marriage.
But it’s the honest to God truth. At least from my perspective.
My ex never made me feel sexy. She never made me feel desired.
After the courting and honeymoon phase, our marriage became mechanical. It became all about the kids. By the end of it, our marriage felt emotionally withdrawn at best. Emotionally neglectful at worst.
I undoubtedly played a role in this dynamic.
But even when our marriage was on life support, I was still trying. I was pursuing her romantically. Being physically affectionate. Growing. Reading. Praying. Reflecting. Dragging her to marital counseling in order to “make the marriage work.”
Not only was none of it working; I began to wonder whether it ever had been working.
By the end of my marriage, I felt like I was married to a living corpse. I felt like I was married to someone who was completely emotionally checked out, but wouldn’t admit it.
I vividly remember calling her one day while I was at work asking her if she still wanted to be married. Her response was: “sure.”
I should have known at that point that she had completely checked out. But I had a bad habit of not quitting.
I’m sure she had her reasons to call it quits. We all do. (Reference Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen’s marital fallout here).
But what I’ve discovered in the past few years — after going on quite a few dates — is that there are parts of me that my ex-wife never saw in me. Things that she never affirmed.
Things that my dates have said to me. Things like I’m “sweet,” “sexy,” “smart,” “affectionate.” Things I never heard my ex-wife say. Things that made me think that maybe I had more value than my ex-wife made me feel like I had.
I hope that my ex-wife has had similar experiences with people she has went out on dates with since our marriage.
I hope that she also has encountered people who have affirmed things in her that maybe I didn’t see, or didn’t have the courage to verbally affirm in her.
Here’s one thing I know: I now know after going on dates that my ex-wife never loved in ways I needed to be loved.
This is why I’m convinced she gave me a gift by leaving me: she gave me the the opportunity to encounter women who saw my value and worth.
I can only hope that she has had the same kind of experience post-divorce.
Because we all deserve to feel loved and valued.
Yes, even ex’s.
I felt this article was just as applicable to many of the women here on ILIASM.