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Post by sweetplumeria on Mar 23, 2023 4:58:16 GMT -5
Interesting talk in relation to our issue...
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Mar 28, 2023 18:06:32 GMT -5
#4 is spot on for my situation! #1 is the problem in so many other ways for my marriage.
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 29, 2023 5:53:24 GMT -5
#4 is spot on for my situation! #1 is the problem in so many other ways for my marriage. Sorry. I'm figuring some guys stop caring because the same atherosclerosis clogging up the blood vessels are choking off the hormones. It may have started with insecurity, embarrassment, or narcissism, but became physiological because it got ignored long enough that his appetite has been suppressed. Do you remember how it began; the first incidents of impotence? Was he avoiding the subject? Or dismissive of your concern/desire? |
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Mar 29, 2023 6:35:21 GMT -5
#4 is spot on for my situation! #1 is the problem in so many other ways for my marriage. Sorry. I'm figuring some guys stop caring because the same atherosclerosis clogging up the blood vessels are choking off the hormones. It may have started with insecurity, embarrassment, or narcissism, but became physiological because it got ignored long enough that his appetite has been suppressed. Do you remember how it began; the first incidents of impotence? Was he avoiding the subject? Or dismissive of your concern/desire? I don't remember when because it has been so long and has never been discussed. I do remember that there were times of getting started and him having too much alcohol in his system to keep an erection, then the blame got thrown back at me for striving for and enjoying my climax before he went limp. Then there were the times that he blames his meds but refuses to talk to his doctor about the problem or possibility of different meds. When I say, it's never been discussed, I mean that I would attempt a discussion but he would always get pissed and yell and refuse to talk about it. It's not something he sees as important. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 29, 2023 17:51:24 GMT -5
Sorry. I'm figuring some guys stop caring because the same atherosclerosis clogging up the blood vessels are choking off the hormones. It may have started with insecurity, embarrassment, or narcissism, but became physiological because it got ignored long enough that his appetite has been suppressed. Do you remember how it began; the first incidents of impotence? Was he avoiding the subject? Or dismissive of your concern/desire? I don't remember when because it has been so long and has never been discussed. I do remember that there were times of getting started and him having too much alcohol in his system to keep an erection, then the blame got thrown back at me for striving for and enjoying my climax before he went limp. Then there were the times that he blames his meds but refuses to talk to his doctor about the problem or possibility of different meds. When I say, it's never been discussed, I mean that I would attempt a discussion but he would always get pissed and yell and refuse to talk about it. It's not something he sees as important. Ah, alcohol. Different villain. Other meds. Antidepressants, I'm guessing. Those can do a number on a guy. Not that it's okay to expect everyone to just live with it. Then again, poorly controlled clinical depression has this ugly trick of stopping the victim from taking the initiative to fix what's wrong. It makes you just muddle through, endlessly. Taking loved ones with you for the long, plodding, crappy, slow ride. |
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Mar 29, 2023 18:00:28 GMT -5
I don't remember when because it has been so long and has never been discussed. I do remember that there were times of getting started and him having too much alcohol in his system to keep an erection, then the blame got thrown back at me for striving for and enjoying my climax before he went limp. Then there were the times that he blames his meds but refuses to talk to his doctor about the problem or possibility of different meds. When I say, it's never been discussed, I mean that I would attempt a discussion but he would always get pissed and yell and refuse to talk about it. It's not something he sees as important. Ah, alcohol. Different villain. Other meds. Antidepressants, I'm guessing. Those can do a number on a guy. Not that it's okay to expect everyone to just live with it. Then again, poorly controlled clinical depression has this ugly trick of stopping the victim from taking the initiative to fix what's wrong. It makes you just muddle through, endlessly. Taking loved ones with you for the long, plodding, crappy, slow ride. Not antidepressants... blood pressure meds were/are the culprit here. I have a friend who was on the same type of BP meds and said he talked to his doc and got them switched to one's that didn't affect his erections ... he said it was like pushing a rope uphill. I even tried to convince my H that he should talk to his doc but, he refused. |
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 30, 2023 9:20:47 GMT -5
I even tried to convince my H that he should talk to his doc but, he refused. Not picking on your husband, just general thoughts. If someone cannot or will not talk to their doctor about a health issue then they should - A. Get a new doctor with whom they can communicate. B. Pull their head out of their ass. C. All of the above. We as patients must inform our medical providers about our concerns, challenges, and difficulties. They are not mind readers. If we are bleeding then the doctor came make an assessment without our input but still not know the root cause. Unfortunately keeping secrets from the doctor or downplaying issues (stiff upper lip BS) is one of the biggest impediments to successful health care outcomes. Afraid the doctor is going to judge you? Try being honest, if you are judged then get a new provider after making your feelings known. This applies to all relationships be it with spouse, parents or your church. |
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Mar 30, 2023 9:23:30 GMT -5
I even tried to convince my H that he should talk to his doc but, he refused. Not picking on your husband, just general thoughts. If someone cannot or will not talk to their doctor about a health issue then they should - A. Get a new doctor with whom they can communicate. B. Pull their head out of their ass. C. All of the above. We as patients must inform our medical providers about our concerns, challenges, and difficulties. They are not mind readers. If we are bleeding then the doctor came make an assessment without our input but still not know the root cause. Unfortunately keeping secrets from the doctor or downplaying issues (stiff upper lip BS) is one of the biggest impediments to successful health care outcomes. Afraid the doctor is going to judge you? Try being honest, if you are judged then get a new provider after making your feelings known. This applies to all relationships be it with spouse, parents or your church. I 💯 agree ... and yes, his head has been up his ass for many years! |
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Post by ironhamster on Apr 2, 2023 5:03:49 GMT -5
I will never be able to wrap my head around why a man wouldn't seek help to maintain his sex life. Been there. Got right on it. Five years out, it's my choices that keep my sex life amazing. And, if I might add, I would be bitter as hell about my youth wasted on a woman that didn't want me in the first place if it weren't for modern medical miracles.
I'm sorry to hear of your predicament, @want-to-be-wanted . You shouldn't be suffering because your husband doesn't want a new lease on his sex life.
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Apr 2, 2023 6:44:50 GMT -5
I have a friend that was on the same exact BP med and had the same issue ... no perk in his pecker ....but he talked to his doc right away and got a new med without that side effect. I even had him bring it up around my H once, in a nonchalant manner and it made no impact.
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Post by jim44444 on Apr 2, 2023 9:24:31 GMT -5
... I even had him bring it up around my H once, in a nonchalant manner and it made no impact. I am getting the feeling that your H is not distressed by his ED. If he was then he would take the given advice and talk to his doctor. Like ironhamster I find the modern pharmaceuticals to be helpful at times. And sometimes they are just fun. |
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Post by want-to-be-wanted on Apr 2, 2023 9:30:45 GMT -5
... I even had him bring it up around my H once, in a nonchalant manner and it made no impact. I am getting the feeling that your H is not distressed by his ED. If he was then he would take the given advice and talk to his doctor. Like ironhamster I find the modern pharmaceuticals to be helpful at times. And sometimes they are just fun. I have thought, for years, that it was me, something I wasn't doing to his satisfaction or how I look or my weight but, seriously, I am that wife that would do anything to please him in the bedroom and I have been told that my weight and my looks are not nearly as bad as I've always seen myself so, why? I am clean, always try to dress attractively, smell good, not overly perfumed, hair is always kept nice and styled, I am helpful to a fault, I am funny and adventurous ....what can it be? |
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Post by jim44444 on Apr 2, 2023 17:27:39 GMT -5
I am getting the feeling that your H is not distressed by his ED. If he was then he would take the given advice and talk to his doctor. Like ironhamster I find the modern pharmaceuticals to be helpful at times. And sometimes they are just fun. I have thought, for years, that it was me, something I wasn't doing to his satisfaction ....what can it be? It is NOT you. It IS him. |
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Post by baza on Apr 3, 2023 3:05:02 GMT -5
Watched the video, in and of itself it is interesting enough in as much as 4 "why's" are examined.
The thing is, that knowing the "why" doesn't actually solve anything.
And, you can waste a lot of energy and time in chasing the "why". Time and energy that might best be directed elsewhere.
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Post by heelots on Apr 3, 2023 8:13:06 GMT -5
I have thought, for years, that it was me, something I wasn't doing to his satisfaction ....what can it be? It is NOT you. It IS him. This is totally true! |
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