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Post by lonelylady on Jul 24, 2023 22:53:05 GMT -5
I’ve been married 45 years my husband is a good man and I love him so much we probably haven’t had sex 45 times our whole marriage. He has ED he has Viagra but it doesn’t help. He is just not interested I told him to try and masturbate hoping this will wake him up but of course he didn’t even try. I have tried everything you can imagine nothing works I know he loves me and he says he wants me but he doesn’t act like it. I feel like crap never as a woman did I think I would have to beg for a man what a blow to my being I hurt so bad I have begged cried been nice been mean and everything in between I am so lonely and sexually frustrated.I love him and I could never leave but it sucks I don’t have anyone to talk yo t that is why I joined this group. It’s getting to me I cry every day andbb va I resent seeing couples and when I watch tv and they show sex scenes I am so jealous. I sound crazy I know. Thanks for letting me vent .
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 25, 2023 5:42:28 GMT -5
welcome to the venue lonelylady,....I cannnot imagine being in a SM for such an extended time. I can understand your frustration. Does your H give you other forms of physical affection? Any hugs, kisses, petting or other actions that demonstrate his feelings for you? Does he not offer other forms of sexual activity besides penetration. Oral sex or partnered masterbation could go a long way toward providing the sexual relief you crave and also strengthing the bonds in the marriage. Are they somehow off the table? Your H sounds like a classic example of a low libido spouse. The question is why is he low libido. Has he had his testosterone checked? He may be low on T and that will certainly result in a low libido. A poorly functioning thyroid gland will also foster low libido. I always encourage new members to eliminate posible medical issues as a cause. Once medical issues are explored or resolved it might be possible to figure out why you aren't being sexually satisfied. I recently started using TriMix. It is an injectable medication that brings about an erection rapidly. The erection lasts a long time. But it does not do anything toward reving up a mans libido. I think if you want to pursue a coarse of action that is where you need to start. Good luck...
EDIT:....you don't give your ages but if you have beem married 45 yrs I am going to guess you are mid 60's. My viagra also stopped working very well in my late 60's early 70's. Get the medical questions answered and go from there.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 25, 2023 7:41:32 GMT -5
You don't sound crazy at all, just wretchedly miserable. Sounds like you have just cause.
I'm glad you're here and sorry too.
Riffing off worksforme2, what jumped out was Viagra not working. The first question I'd ask is, "Did he actually take it?" (some folks hate the idea of pills.) If we know for certain that he did, was there no reaction at all, or just insufficient?
That could be an indication of remarkable health issues that could affect the entire body.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 25, 2023 10:14:26 GMT -5
If you've been married for 45 years, at your youngest, you are both early 60's. You had sex roughly once every year for 45 years...why is it just now getting to you?
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 29, 2023 4:28:00 GMT -5
Welcome, lonelylady. Viagra doesn't work on everyone, but there are other options. Cialis? Levitra? They are other pills that help with circulation and sometimes one works where the other two don't. Then, we also have the P-shot. I had a friend that would stick a hypodermic needle in his pocket before sex, because the pills wouldn't work, but, he still had the desire. Testosterone shots are another option, but once a man starts supplementing testosterone he becomes dependent on that. Testosterone can also increase desire. As for the timing, it took me twenty-three years of neglect before I talked to someone that opened my eyes with a new perspective. So, my condolences on your loss of years being cheated out of the one thing expected to be exclusive and plentiful within marriage. Everyone here has suffered that sort of disappointment. Feel free to expound on your story.
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Post by toughtiger on Aug 14, 2023 14:32:59 GMT -5
It is lonely even with my spouse here .......actually feels worse on weekends when we are both home then in week even if i have a day alone with nothing going on.
I think many men who have decided to shut down all intimacy are cruel also ... i try to hug him or rub neck he is terrified i want more i guess .... does everything he can to avoid even bumping into me in our small kitchen. I have been told by friends or counselors he might feel pressure that you want something he can not rise to.... but seriously making me feel like a Leper is not helping anything.
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 17, 2023 6:40:44 GMT -5
I don't think I've asked you: where do you stand in locating an assistant to help him to the area he's unable to help with?
Is he worth keeping so you'd do such a thing? Or must your husband and lover be the same person? We have both here at ILIASM.
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Post by h on Sept 4, 2023 5:45:53 GMT -5
It is lonely even with my spouse here .......actually feels worse on weekends when we are both home then in week even if i have a day alone with nothing going on. I think many men who have decided to shut down all intimacy are cruel also ... i try to hug him or rub neck he is terrified i want more i guess .... does everything he can to avoid even bumping into me in our small kitchen. I have been told by friends or counselors he might feel pressure that you want something he can not rise to.... but seriously making me feel like a Leper is not helping anything. I hear that. I always feel lonelier when I'm around my wife than when I'm alone. I took a different approach though. I'm doing the same as your husband and I avoid all physical contact. I don't bump into her in the kitchen. I step out of the way into a room if we meet in the hallway. I sit on the opposite side of the room if we're watching TV. She withheld/avoided/neglected sex for almost a decade. She has every right to do so, but the consequences are the removal of all other aspects of the romantic relationship. I'm not giving her what she wants or needs if she's going to ignore what I need. I stopped initiating entirely and quit trying to do any of the romantic gestures I used to. We're nothing more than roommates and I now treat her as such.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 4, 2023 7:08:24 GMT -5
I'm not giving her what she wants or needs if she's going to ignore what I need. I stopped initiating entirely and quit trying to do any of the romantic gestures I used to. We're nothing more than roommates and I now treat her as such. I also went this route. I decided to distance myself from my then W after 2 yrs. of trying and failing at reviving the intimacy in our marriage. No more hugs, kisses or attempts at fondeling. I avoided talking to her or being in the same room as much as possible. She reacted right away to the absence of loving jestures on my part. But she didn't make any effort to come back to our bed or engage with me sexually. When she realized I was no longer going to do any of the little things that showed my affection for her she decided to see an attorney, something I had already done. After a couple weeks she and I sat down and agreed to seperate. Sometimes one has to be hard hearted to break through the walls erected by a refuser.
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 4, 2023 7:33:24 GMT -5
... We're nothing more than roommates and I now treat her as such. I have used the same terminology to describe my marriage but I think there needs to be a better word than roommates. If we were truly roommates then our discussions would be quite different. A roommate would be happy to hear of my dating ups and downs. A roommate would be glad if I got laid. A roommate would set me up with a potential partner. So we are not really roommates but what are we?
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 4, 2023 10:30:14 GMT -5
... When she realized I was no longer going to do any of the little things that showed my affection for her she decided to see an attorney, something I had already done. After a couple weeks she and I sat down and agreed to separate. ... I don't remember your having explained how fast the process was before. (maybe just my unobservant nature / poor memory) Interesting that the expressions of affection were valuable enough to her that their loss made the marriage no longer worth keeping.
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 4, 2023 11:45:52 GMT -5
... When she realized I was no longer going to do any of the little things that showed my affection for her she decided to see an attorney, something I had already done. After a couple weeks she and I sat down and agreed to separate. ... I don't remember your having explained how fast the process was before. (maybe just my unobservant nature / poor memory) Interesting that the expressions of affection were valuable enough to her that their loss made the marriage no longer worth keeping. Actually I probably should have said a couple 3-4 weeks before we sat down and talked out an agreement to seperate. It seemed shorter because she was out of the country for a week and staying at her daughters place for another week during this time. But comparitively speaking once I cut off all affection it was a short time before the marriage ended for all intents and purposes. The actual divorce took much longer as NC requires a yr. of seperation before one can file. During the seperation period we stayed in the house we built while she looked for another place. I helped her with looking because as a builder I could see potential issues in a house that most people would not see. During this time she saw me on Plenty of Fish activily looking at other possible romantic partners. I never attempted to hide the fact I was seeking sex elsewhere.
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