Post by greatcoastal on Jul 29, 2023 7:42:27 GMT -5
medium.com/@rodr4860/i-took-my-first-real-vacation-by-myself-since-my-divorce-cb593a7464f5
I took my first real vacation by myself since my divorce.
Here’s why I laughed — and cried — on that vacation.
I recently read Matthew McConaughey’s book Greenlights. It was part of the inspiration behind my decision to go on a solo road trip to southern California.
Did I have a plan on exactly what I would do when I was down there? Nope.
But if Matthew McConaughey could drive his Airstream travel trailer throughout the country — all by himself — as a famous actor, then why couldn’t I?
Truth be told, I think I’ve been sitting at a red light for a few years now since my divorce. Sure, I’ve caught a few yellow lights.
My problem since my divorce is not that I haven’t caught any greenlights.
My problem is that I haven’t been looking for them or that I’ve been too afraid to drive through them.
I’ve been too much of a coward. Too scared to discover a different version of me.
Change is scary. Even if it’s positive change. As creatures of habit, we increasingly become comfortable with wherever we happen to be at in life — even if that means being comfortable remaining in a rut.
This is the reason I refuse to judge a homeless person or an addict when I see them laying in the gutter. I’m not above them. I am them. And they are me. They may be stuck in a different rut, but we’re both in a rut nonetheless.
Well, I decided to get out of the rut by getting out of town.
Some people say that wherever you go, there you are. Which is just another way of saying that we can’t run from ourselves.
Except, I wasn’t trying to do that at all. I knew all along that I would be taking myself along with me. I would have to be my best company. My own company.
I wasn’t looking to run from my life.
I was looking to give myself new experiences that could help me continue to transform my life.
Think Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love.
Enough of the contextual stuff. Here are some of the highlights of what I learned on my Matthew McConaughey-inspired solo vacation.
Should I start with the tears or the laughter?
Let’s start with the tears first.
Tears:
(a) I learned that I missed what I used to have in my marriage. I didn’t miss her. I missed the concept of her. There were moments I experienced that I would have loved to share with someone else.
Did this realization subtract from my experience? Not at all. Did it make me realize that relationships are designed to accentuate and enhance our life? You bet.
Relationships are like salt and pepper. We don’t need them, but they make things taste better.
(b) I learned that I missed my kids when I was down there. Anytime I would see a mother or father interact with their child on the beach, I wish it was my son or daughter who was smiling and laughing.
I wish I could see the joy and happiness radiate from their faces instead of from the faces of strangers.
I wish they could be with my on every vacation I ever take…rather than being with me on 50% of the vacations that I take for the rest of my life.
Laughter:
(a) I got to encounter a different version of me. Meaning, I got to challenge myself in ways that my former self would have balked at.
Exhibit A? I taught myself to surf — while having the ocean beat the shit out of me at times. But rather than beating myself up for not ‘getting it’ the first few times, I laughed and smiled.
For the simple reason that I was spending time doing something with a guy that I had never met before, and I’m kind of learning to enjoy that guy’s company.
(b) I got to meet all kinds of beautiful people: A screenwriter with self-doubts about writing and relationships that mirror my own. A local who was enjoying swimming in the waves next to me. A woman in her late 60s who was struggling with loneliness, like I often do.
Was there a time when I thought about cutting my vacation short? Nope, there were multiple.
But then I chose to remember the scene from the film Seven Pounds where Will Smith’s character says “I haven’t treated myself very well.”
To which the Rosario Dawson’s character replies, “Start now.”
Not only do I realize how much I identify with Will Smith’s character in that moment; I realize how right Rosario Dawson was.
It’s never too late to realize our value. It’s never too late to do something for ourselves rather than waiting for someone to come along and do those things with us.
I’ve been waiting for life to happen for me. To come to me.
I think, at least subconsciously, that I’ve been waiting on a miracle.
But I don’t think God’s interested in performing miracles or magic tricks anymore. I think he wants the miracle to happen within us.
So rather than cutting my vacation short by telling myself that I don’t deserve to spoil myself for the first time in three years, I decided to take myself out for a $100 steak dinner instead.
Because why the fuck not.
I took my first real vacation by myself since my divorce.
Here’s why I laughed — and cried — on that vacation.
I recently read Matthew McConaughey’s book Greenlights. It was part of the inspiration behind my decision to go on a solo road trip to southern California.
Did I have a plan on exactly what I would do when I was down there? Nope.
But if Matthew McConaughey could drive his Airstream travel trailer throughout the country — all by himself — as a famous actor, then why couldn’t I?
Truth be told, I think I’ve been sitting at a red light for a few years now since my divorce. Sure, I’ve caught a few yellow lights.
My problem since my divorce is not that I haven’t caught any greenlights.
My problem is that I haven’t been looking for them or that I’ve been too afraid to drive through them.
I’ve been too much of a coward. Too scared to discover a different version of me.
Change is scary. Even if it’s positive change. As creatures of habit, we increasingly become comfortable with wherever we happen to be at in life — even if that means being comfortable remaining in a rut.
This is the reason I refuse to judge a homeless person or an addict when I see them laying in the gutter. I’m not above them. I am them. And they are me. They may be stuck in a different rut, but we’re both in a rut nonetheless.
Well, I decided to get out of the rut by getting out of town.
Some people say that wherever you go, there you are. Which is just another way of saying that we can’t run from ourselves.
Except, I wasn’t trying to do that at all. I knew all along that I would be taking myself along with me. I would have to be my best company. My own company.
I wasn’t looking to run from my life.
I was looking to give myself new experiences that could help me continue to transform my life.
Think Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love.
Enough of the contextual stuff. Here are some of the highlights of what I learned on my Matthew McConaughey-inspired solo vacation.
Should I start with the tears or the laughter?
Let’s start with the tears first.
Tears:
(a) I learned that I missed what I used to have in my marriage. I didn’t miss her. I missed the concept of her. There were moments I experienced that I would have loved to share with someone else.
Did this realization subtract from my experience? Not at all. Did it make me realize that relationships are designed to accentuate and enhance our life? You bet.
Relationships are like salt and pepper. We don’t need them, but they make things taste better.
(b) I learned that I missed my kids when I was down there. Anytime I would see a mother or father interact with their child on the beach, I wish it was my son or daughter who was smiling and laughing.
I wish I could see the joy and happiness radiate from their faces instead of from the faces of strangers.
I wish they could be with my on every vacation I ever take…rather than being with me on 50% of the vacations that I take for the rest of my life.
Laughter:
(a) I got to encounter a different version of me. Meaning, I got to challenge myself in ways that my former self would have balked at.
Exhibit A? I taught myself to surf — while having the ocean beat the shit out of me at times. But rather than beating myself up for not ‘getting it’ the first few times, I laughed and smiled.
For the simple reason that I was spending time doing something with a guy that I had never met before, and I’m kind of learning to enjoy that guy’s company.
(b) I got to meet all kinds of beautiful people: A screenwriter with self-doubts about writing and relationships that mirror my own. A local who was enjoying swimming in the waves next to me. A woman in her late 60s who was struggling with loneliness, like I often do.
Was there a time when I thought about cutting my vacation short? Nope, there were multiple.
But then I chose to remember the scene from the film Seven Pounds where Will Smith’s character says “I haven’t treated myself very well.”
To which the Rosario Dawson’s character replies, “Start now.”
Not only do I realize how much I identify with Will Smith’s character in that moment; I realize how right Rosario Dawson was.
It’s never too late to realize our value. It’s never too late to do something for ourselves rather than waiting for someone to come along and do those things with us.
I’ve been waiting for life to happen for me. To come to me.
I think, at least subconsciously, that I’ve been waiting on a miracle.
But I don’t think God’s interested in performing miracles or magic tricks anymore. I think he wants the miracle to happen within us.
So rather than cutting my vacation short by telling myself that I don’t deserve to spoil myself for the first time in three years, I decided to take myself out for a $100 steak dinner instead.
Because why the fuck not.