m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Sept 12, 2023 10:46:16 GMT -5
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 12, 2023 12:25:24 GMT -5
definitely a possibility most was very generalized and i would disagree with the paragraph
"Walkaway wife syndrome isn’t necessarily someone’s fault. It usually stems from a lack of effort and a lack of communication on both sides of a relationship that slowly culminates into emotional disconnection. It’s not something that happens overnight, and most people aren’t even aware that it’s beginning to happen."
I feel most are aware but think they can WAIT it out.... it is a phase or something...if even small things start they need to be addressed ASAP ... or it is OVER
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Sept 12, 2023 12:59:57 GMT -5
Well I didn't communicate my needs early enough and like you said, I thought I could wait it out, maybe it's just a phase and she needs some space.
By the time I'd had enough, life events put this conversation on hold but it should have been had at the first signs.
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 14, 2023 16:54:41 GMT -5
my question has always been.... can the emotional connection be repaired..... i think a physical one for example spouse gets back in shape or makes an effort but that does not repair the emotional side... what can they do say" oops.... did not get your were hurt by my celibacy plan"
hurt turns to hate too fast. for that
I began to wonder if I actually had what i thought i had with him.
although i have not technically outsourced i feel more connected to my friend the i do my spouse.....it will always be in my mind spouse will do it again.
my online friend listens, they appreciate me, my humor, and they would like to do things as well as have a active sex life....
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 18, 2023 6:25:38 GMT -5
2. Lack of Effort From Your Wife
If your wife ordinarily helps out around the house, like doing household laundry or preparing meals, she may slow down or stop altogether. Walkaway wife syndrome may lead her to feel like there’s no point in making an effort. She might feel like she’s being taken for granted or that you expect her to silently meet all of your needs.
At that point, she’ll perceive these favors as a zero reciprocity effort and stop attempting to care for you.Lots of overlap with clinical depression here. Common first steps for ILIASM members who're ready to pull the trigger is deliberately executing #3 and becoming walkaway spouses, themselves. #5 being closely related. If the spouse is not doing #3, but drawing away, some therapy or meds be what's called for. Maybe. m76, is the wife making a life apart from you? Also important, does she have any claim to no reciprocation? Are you pulling weight? Some ILIASM folk do a lot more than their fair share. I got a bit of #4 years ago. Huge unloading of resentment when I stopped expecting anything. Though, it didn't entail sentiments of leaving. |
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Sept 18, 2023 7:04:52 GMT -5
2. Lack of Effort From Your Wife
If your wife ordinarily helps out around the house, like doing household laundry or preparing meals, she may slow down or stop altogether. Walkaway wife syndrome may lead her to feel like there’s no point in making an effort. She might feel like she’s being taken for granted or that you expect her to silently meet all of your needs.
At that point, she’ll perceive these favors as a zero reciprocity effort and stop attempting to care for you.Lots of overlap with clinical depression here. Common first steps for ILIASM members who're ready to pull the trigger is deliberately executing #3 and becoming walkaway spouses, themselves. #5 being closely related. If the spouse is not doing #3, but drawing away, some therapy or meds be what's called for. Maybe. m76, is the wife making a life apart from you? Also important, does she have any claim to no reciprocation? Are you pulling weight? Some ILIASM folk do a lot more than their fair share. I got a bit of #4 years ago. Huge unloading of resentment when I stopped expecting anything. Though, it didn't entail sentiments of leaving. I do all the house work. Always have. She's an author, the writing is her escape. And looking back, the years that she started writing would be the years that the sex life started to decline. |
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Post by toughtiger on Sept 18, 2023 9:56:34 GMT -5
"I do all the house work. Always have. She's an author, the writing is her escape. And looking back, the years that she started writing would be the years that the sex life started to decline." quote from M76
If i remember right .. she writes romance novels..... interesting connection...
Perhaps she has inflated her expectations so unrealistically high..... to match her writing that she does not want to face real life sex
is not all big sexual tension/ meet cute/ unbridled passion / forbidden loves ...that make up most of those stories...
Real sex in a marriage is not all that .. I mean a few moments here and there sure .. but most is more functional ....
take off your own clothes instead of be slowly seduced and undressed...real life not everyone wears the most flattering clothes and best underthings....
In novels the sexy handyman all sweaty for some reason in novels smells like a deodorant ad..... not like sweat and BO
real= go to sleep instead of talking and cuddling all night ...if you get up and dressed ASAP most likely for kids/ chores etc ...
No one gets a leg cramp or back spasm is some spontaneous moment like in a novel... no one makes odd noises and no one farts. lol
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Post by baza on Sept 20, 2023 2:11:53 GMT -5
Must admit having read the post (interesting that it was on Divorce.com website)
Must admit I found it quite underwhelming.
Theres some worthwhile stuff in the post - PRESUPPOSING that your marriage has had a bit of a hiccup and has not already pretty much gone down the chute.
If indeed your marriage is just a bit jaded, then yes, try the suggested actions in the article. They could work if you have caught it in the early stages.
Of course if you try the suggested actions in the article - and they dont work - then you might need to reasess the true state of your marriage.
The unfortunate fact is, that marriages that appear in this ILIASM group are not for the most part just having a hiccup or are just a bit jaded. Rather ILIASM deals seen here are highly disfunctional and have been so for long periods of time, decades for many. The scented candle or choreplay strategies are of very very limited value in such circumstances.
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