m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 24, 2024 12:25:58 GMT -5
I watched this video on my lunch break and I almost cried. This is a woman who understands and it hit hard just how much of this is applicable to my relationship. I had checked out, I had started drinking more, I am depressed. And she had me "wrong" to want sex.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 25, 2024 6:57:30 GMT -5
That all sounds like motivation to start the process of healing.
Regardless of which of the three options you pick, building a life independent of your spouse will let you "check into" something if checking out of your marriage has snuck up on you.
Building the social network through meetup, civic activism, volunteering, or catching up with old friends is often not compatible with drinking, as well as perhaps sabotaging the reasons for numbing oneself.
Depression feeds on itself, so it'll take some time to grow connected to these people and activities that you nurture.
Sadness, anger, and lethargy (lord, especially the lethargy!) make this breaking away difficult.
It need not be breaking away from your refuser, it's more like refusing to be in a jail cell with him/her/zem. If they want to come into the weight room, mess hall, or courtyard with you, fine, but you're not going to be in the cell of co-dependency anymore. Someday, you may even walk out the door of the penitentiary and come back later to visit your refuser while they finish their sentence.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 25, 2024 8:27:42 GMT -5
Someday, you may even walk out the door of the penitentiary and come back later to visit your refuser while they finish their sentence. Any thoughts on when conversing with your refuser only to see over and over that they prefer, perhaps even relish, the not being one part of a couple. Or for that matter not being at all interested in any form of intimaxy with another male. The sentence of a life of celebacy is the preferred choice for themselves. I have had a # of short conversatiions with my X about returning to a life where intimacy is still in the mix. The response from her is always the same."I never think about that anymore". |
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m76
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Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 25, 2024 8:31:30 GMT -5
Someday, you may even walk out the door of the penitentiary and come back later to visit your refuser while they finish their sentence. Any thoughts on when conversing with your refuser only to see over and over that they prefer, perhaps even relish, the not being one part of a couple. Or for that matter not being at all interested in any form of intimaxy with another male. The sentence of a life of celebacy is the preferred choice for themselves. I have had a # of short conversatiions with my X about returning to a life where intimacy is still in the mix. The response from her is always the same."I never think about that anymore". "I never think about that anymore". Wtf, I can't even comprehend not craving some form of physical contact. So if this is what your x feels, has she had any luck meeting someone else that shares that view or is she happy alone? |
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Post by toughtiger on Jan 25, 2024 9:07:44 GMT -5
" i never think about it anymore"
Wow i just do not get that.....
some have a pillow to lean up against as it IMO simulates spooning..... my spouse wraps himself like a mummy for that feeling of being held..... instead of just reaching for me.
everyone of these refusers notice if others check them out ....when out and about ..... everyone likes feeling attractive and noticed.
if they are asked about good times in marriage i bet they remember times when sex life was decent or good..... i have went through in my mind and my best moments were when we had that ....
funny thing i notice all the time when we were first together for decade he would put his hand on my breast and give a little squeeze everyday we passed each other and when we were young i thought it was goofy and he would eventually quit now i miss that ....... i miss any action that shows me he is attracted .... he used to try to peek when changing now i could walk by naked and he looks away as fast as he can.
I have other men notice me so it is not me .... even though spouse has done everything he can to make me feel it is.
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Missingout
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Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Jan 25, 2024 9:56:05 GMT -5
" i never think about it anymore" Wow i just do not get that..... some have a pillow to lean up against as it IMO simulates spooning..... my spouse wraps himself like a mummy for that feeling of being held..... instead of just reaching for me. everyone of these refusers notice if others check them out ....when out and about ..... everyone likes feeling attractive and noticed. if they are asked about good times in marriage i bet they remember times when sex life was decent or good..... i have went through in my mind and my best moments were when we had that .... funny thing i notice all the time when we were first together for decade he would put his hand on my breast and give a little squeeze everyday we passed each other and when we were young i thought it was goofy and he would eventually quit now i miss that ....... i miss any action that shows me he is attracted .... he used to try to peek when changing now i could walk by naked and he looks away as fast as he can. I have other men notice me so it is not me .... even though spouse has done everything he can to make me feel it is. Ya my wife hides from me when she is naked. I however will do what I can to sneak a peak. And make sure she sees the rise in my Levi's 🤪🤪 |
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patrick
Junior Member
Posts: 21
Age Range: 70+
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Post by patrick on Jan 25, 2024 10:05:07 GMT -5
I watched this video on my lunch break and I almost cried. This is a woman who understands and it hit hard just how much of this is applicable to my relationship. I had checked out, I had started drinking more, I am depressed. And she had me "wrong" to want sex. WOW. This hits so very close to home. It all makes sense…but the hard part for me is NOT taking her rejection personally…thanks for posting…will meditate on this a while!🤔 |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 25, 2024 10:23:49 GMT -5
"I never think about that anymore". Wtf, I can't even comprehend not craving some form of physical contact. So if this is what your x feels, has she had any luck meeting someone else that shares that view or is she happy alone? We have been seperated/divorced for almost 9 yrs. During that time she has had not one date. My X is an attractive female. When she moved into her new townhouse she knew I was on POF and dating. So she ask me if I though anyone would want to date her. I answered, "lots of men would want to date her. And they were going to want to have sex with her." Her expression immediately changed to one showing her disappointment at that prospect. After 9 yrs. I believe her when she says she never thinks about intimacy any more. |
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Jan 25, 2024 10:31:41 GMT -5
"I never think about that anymore". Wtf, I can't even comprehend not craving some form of physical contact. So if this is what your x feels, has she had any luck meeting someone else that shares that view or is she happy alone? We have been seperated/divorced for almost 9 yrs. During that time she has had not one date. My X is an attractive female. When she moved into her new townhouse she knew I was on POF and dating. So she ask me if I though anyone would want to date her. I answered, "lots of men would want to date her. And they wre going to want to have sex with her." Her expression immediately changed to one showing her disappointment at that prospect. After 9 yrs. I believe her when she says she never thinks about intimacy any more. Can anyone answer that? What about sex for some people is so unpleasant that they would rather be alone then touch someone or have someone touch them. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 26, 2024 9:03:55 GMT -5
We have been seperated/divorced for almost 9 yrs. During that time she has had not one date. My X is an attractive female. When she moved into her new townhouse she knew I was on POF and dating. So she ask me if I though anyone would want to date her. I answered, "lots of men would want to date her. And they wre going to want to have sex with her." Her expression immediately changed to one showing her disappointment at that prospect. After 9 yrs. I believe her when she says she never thinks about intimacy any more. Can anyone answer that? What about sex for some people is so unpleasant that they would rather be alone then touch someone or have someone touch them. I don't try to understand the mindset anymore. I am fortunate in that since my divorce I have had several long term relationships that have had a sexual componet in them . I am in one now. But Over the span of my divorce I have met a # of women who respond to any hint of intimacy with, "not interested , those days are long over with.". And in fairness to women who are no longer interested in sex it reminds me of the wife of a friend who was in her early 70's and complained about her amourous husband. She complained my friend was no different in his 70's than in his 30's. " He just wants to f*ck me all the time". What a terrible delima for her to be in. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 28, 2024 12:35:26 GMT -5
This reminds me of how sad it is that women often dont have hormonal support given to them from doctor's to help support the cross over from fertility to happy sex life. Probably that woman never knew to ask and was never guided to.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 28, 2024 12:57:31 GMT -5
This reminds me of how sad it is that women often dont have hormonal support given to them from doctor's to help support the cross over from fertility to happy sex life. Probably that woman never knew to ask and was never guided to. And equally sad is when a woman is told about HRT or products that will increase her libido. But chooses not to use them. My X for example. When I ask her to talk to her doctor about HRT she said she wasn't interested in taking any more pills. OK,...what about the creams that can be applied to the vagina for a one night libido boost? I suppose that if the hormones have pettered out perhaps it might not occur to someone to ask about medical treatment. But what about when your spouse is constantly trying to f*ck her/ him. |
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