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Post by lonelyhubby on Oct 23, 2024 11:11:08 GMT -5
"...for women, sex is like cake; an enjoyable treat that you don’t need to, and in fact should not have all the time. Yet for men, sex is like food; sure we can skip a meal from time to time, but regular meals are essential to survival. Keeping with the food analogy, what if your husband was incapable of feeding himself but when he asked you for food you say you don’t feel like feeding him right now. Days go by and he comes to you and says he is starving and could you please give him something to eat, anything at all. And you scream at him and say is that all you are to him, a source of food. Days go by and he sees the man next door looks happy and well fed, and he begins to wonder if the woman down the street has any extra food she could feed him…but he can’t do that! Besides he wants your food not hers. So he suffers sometimes in silence, because it only makes you angry to know he needs something from you that you are unable or simply unwilling to give. Would you watch your child starve to death, hating them all the while for their hunger, like you look at your husband?" forgivenwife.com/new-to-this-blog-start-here/understanding-your-husbands-hurt/ |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 23, 2024 11:21:16 GMT -5
The food analogy is a good one. My now X said more than once that men want sex more than women. At least at the end of our relationship that was true with her. Now is it true for all women, certainly not.
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Post by lonelytiger on Oct 23, 2024 13:39:36 GMT -5
Some of these stories in that link sound like I could have written them.
I'm on the fence if I should send that link to my wife or would it even matter?
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Post by isthisit on Oct 23, 2024 17:57:59 GMT -5
The food analogy is a good one. My now X said more than once that men want sex more than women. At least at the end of our relationship that was true with her. Now is it true for all women, certainly not. Indeed. The generalisations about women I read here piss me right off. Like the example of the link above. *Women* do this, *women* do not do that… Really, all of us? I was as deprived as anyone here, and equally frustrated and angry. Do you hear me making blanket judgements about “all men”… No. Just because H’s dick didn’t work doesn't mean I think *yours* won’t. There, I have wanted to say that for ages. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Oct 23, 2024 18:54:00 GMT -5
The food analogy is a good one. My now X said more than once that men want sex more than women. At least at the end of our relationship that was true with her. Now is it true for all women, certainly not. Indeed. The generalisations about women I read here piss me right off. Like the example of the link above. *Women* do this, *women* do not do that… Really, all of us? I was as deprived as anyone here, and equally frustrated and angry. Do you hear me making blanket judgements about “all men”… No. Just because H’s dick didn’t work doesn't mean I think *yours* won’t. There, I have wanted to say that for ages. Yeah - I know it's not "ALL" Men or Women - more of ALL Withholders |
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 25, 2024 9:09:03 GMT -5
Indeed. The generalisations about women I read here piss me right off. Like the example of the link above. *Women* do this, *women* do not do that… Really, all of us? I was as deprived as anyone here, and equally frustrated and angry. Do you hear me making blanket judgements about “all men”… No. Just because H’s dick didn’t work doesn't mean I think *yours* won’t. There, I have wanted to say that for ages. Thank you for writing what i wanted to .... I do not think all men are _( insert stereotype) ______. I will SAY Many people assume spouse complaining / frustrated or angry at no sex /being refused is a MAN. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 25, 2024 9:43:46 GMT -5
I am not the first to make this observation, that a sexless marriage is actually worse for women, because in our society it is assumed that the man wants sex. This is obvious to us that it isn't necessarily so, but to the woman trying to sort out why she isn't desired by her husband it creates a higher level of mind-fuck.
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Post by isthisit on Oct 25, 2024 14:05:49 GMT -5
I am not the first to make this observation, that a sexless marriage is actually worse for women, because in our society it is assumed that the man wants sex. This is obvious to us that it isn't necessarily so, but to the woman trying to sort out why she isn't desired by her husband it creates a higher level of mind-fuck. I am in two minds about this. I agree that it is probably more emotionally confusing for women to be refused than it is men for the reason you identify. I did feel alone with it and I bet few men here do/did. But I am less sure that the net effect of enforced abstinence is worse, I wonder if the endless frustration and physical ache is equally horrible for us all to try to live with. It was a rotten way to live. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 25, 2024 15:56:17 GMT -5
This is another prime example of why I don't click on any links or read braindead blogs or listen to any painfully common sense/blanket statement podcasts on the subject of sexless marriages.
It's been pointed out, the mistake anyone would make to believe that there aren't ANY women who NEED sex, and they all relate it to eating cake (major eyeroll). Well my refuser didn't like cake, I guess.
But also, don't generalize all men on how we feel about being refused. Oh...poor me looking to the neighbor seeing if she can feed me? I'm a grown adult. I know I can't look to the neighbor? I did end up cheating at one point. I did it because, yes, I was starving. But I was also an adult making my own choice. I wasn't a complete helpless fucking child, and none of us are. We have all suffered/suffer greatly, no question, but this whole "we men are so fragile while women are so cold and ruthless and machine"? Give me a break. Whoever writes that shit understandably doesn't get laid, and it has nothing to do with a refuser.
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Post by lonelytiger on Oct 26, 2024 20:37:48 GMT -5
I keep reading over the statements on the page from the link and a good bit of them could have been written by me.
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