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Post by JMX on Sept 17, 2016 6:34:05 GMT -5
Why are there even posts being removed? There is nothing more sad than going to a thread and reading while it is just getting good and then missing parts. I can see where this is a good idea for drive-bys and perverts that wash up here but really, the women on that thread had it handled, did not need someone to come in and "save" them from the "big, bad man". If the reason for the lockdown was to protect the guy - well, that is also funny as I am sure he is absolutely fine and can also defend himself.
I hope most people would simply defend themselves, without fear of getting anything locked down.
Good example for removal of thread or comment:
I will find you, kill you and bathe in your blood.
Bad example of removal of thread or comment:
I do not agree with your generalization.
Another Bad example:
Yeah, I do not agree. You are over-sensitive.
In both cases of the bad example / you see two ideas that may have opposite reactions and not ever agree. You cannot have a large (and global!) community and expect everyone to have the same sensitivity training.
The standard should be VERY high for the removal of someone's opinion. As well as the ability to clarify, amend or stand by their opinions as the thread unfolds. The mods locking it down, kept that from happening as it organically should have.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 6:47:34 GMT -5
Is that really what happened? Posts were expunged by a third party?
I would be, in a word, appalled.
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Post by JMX on Sept 17, 2016 8:10:24 GMT -5
They have been in the past when the thread is "going nowhere" or something like that. In this case, the thread was locked down and no new comments were allowed for some time.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 13:45:45 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.)
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Post by JMX on Sept 17, 2016 14:05:24 GMT -5
@helentishappy - noooooooooooooo! Please stay - I think this can be worked out.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 14:46:47 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.) @helentishappy - please don't go! If you think that the way the mods are managing things is unfair - I think they would be open to hearing your concerns. I for one would miss you so much - just the other day, you put up one of the Best. Posts. Ever. Tell the mods why you are upset - or if you feel like you need a break, take a break. But please don't leave forever. You make so much sense - and I need your sense! |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 15:02:56 GMT -5
oh well done the thought police
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 19:19:51 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.) Noooooo!!! |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 20:12:19 GMT -5
Wow. Things have actually taken a turn for the worse. I'm sad that helentishappy felt so shunned she deleted her account. As someone who has seriously considered doing the same thing (leaving permanently), this is troubling to me.
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Post by itsjustus on Sept 17, 2016 22:12:35 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.) @helentishappy - please don't go! If you think that the way the mods are managing things is unfair - I think they would be open to hearing your concerns. I for one would miss you so much - just the other day, you put up one of the Best. Posts. Ever. Tell the mods why you are upset - or if you feel like you need a break, take a break. But please don't leave forever. You make so much sense - and I need your sense! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
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Post by warmways on Sept 17, 2016 22:19:38 GMT -5
Please don't leave.
I would really miss you. I hope you stay. I always relate to your posts so well. Feel less alone.
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Post by Admin on Sept 17, 2016 22:25:17 GMT -5
No posts were deleted from the thread "What's the dating scene like out there?" by Admin or any of the moderators.
No one was reprimanded. No one was scolded. After a brief review, it was determined that despite a clear difference of opinions, everyone was being sufficiently respectful to reopen the thread with no additional action required.
That anyone took the brief pause in that thread as a scold of ANY magnitude is EXCEEDINGLY unfortunate. It wasn't. That friendships have been broken and members have decided to leave the site is DEVASTATING to me.
Additional guidance about sensitivity when phrasing one's opinions was drafted and posted in the process of the brief pause. The guidance also included encouragement to consider that not every difference of opinion is a personal slight.
Please continue to use THIS thread to discuss the text of the guidance (first post of this thread) itself. Any questions about the actions -- or should I say inactions -- on the dating thread should be directed to me via PM.
Thanks.
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ModHatter
Moderator 
What kind of mad are you?
Posts: 65
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Post by ModHatter on Sept 18, 2016 11:37:42 GMT -5
I'm very sad that HelenT [edit: and now MountainRunner] felt the need to leave, both as a mod and personally. I really wish that hadn't happened.
For the record, I think the only deleting / censoring of posts on ILIASM has been done by me, in a thread that had escalated into personal attacks (on someone who, frankly, invited it). Not because the thread was going nowhere, but because it was destined for an IRC-style flame war.
Trust that we really don't desire to micro-manage, nanny, or censor the discussions here. Our goal is just to keep it a friendly, safe place to share. It can be a tall task just to read all the posts here.
On a personal note, the mods are folks like you, we just wear an extra hat. It's not all roses, we won't always get it right, and decisions will rarely please everyone.
<group hug>
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 19, 2016 2:02:35 GMT -5
I think I missed something here :/
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Post by becca on Sept 19, 2016 7:51:20 GMT -5
I think I missed something here :/ Me too. It makes me sad that people think they are not welcome here. Like I told you the other night, I think of us as one big (slightly dysfunctional) family complete with awesome siblings, crazy cousins and the perverted uncle or too (yep wewbwb I am talking to you) but still a family of sorts. I hope they reconsider and join us again. |
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