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Post by jerri on Sept 1, 2021 3:47:34 GMT -5
"Almost a virgin" I like that line.
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Post by Handy on Sept 1, 2021 15:11:27 GMT -5
"Almost a virgin"
I don't want to be "Almost a virgin" again. I didn't know much back then and rather like what I know now.
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Post by TMD on Sept 1, 2021 22:23:21 GMT -5
TMD
I was thinking it was age and physical appearance,...A Grossly over weight woman is something I mentally have trouble seeing as sexy. I am still friendly but romantically, my brain just doesn't go there. Regarding my idea of "she knows it all" I will qualify as her thinking she knows it all but really she has a fixed opinion about many things and I not open to the facts or new information and has rigid views that sound one sided to me. An example is Trump or Biden lovers or haters. I know women that like or hate either man. TMD, I am mostly trying to help you put the younger, better looking concern you might have on the back burner so it doesn't interfere with something real. I understand. I wasn’t ever concerned with younger, prettier before. I know it’s a trap. And part of it is that my former AP adored me. It was a good relationship. I wish I had an easy button, but know that’s not realistic. I am able to be vulnerable, honest. I simply want the same in return. There’s a significant hook up way of doing things out there. Sex is easy (yes, I know that’s ironic, given the group this is). I want more than sex. I know that takes time to develop. And I wonder if swipe culture keeps most interactions at a surface level. Like you can chat up somebody, have a fun convo, feel good about yourself, but not have to make much more of an effort. I’m not quite ready to give up. Think I simply need a break. |
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Post by Handy on Sept 1, 2021 22:31:09 GMT -5
TMD
I wonder if swipe culture keeps most interactions at a surface level.
Well, I am too old to be part of the "swipe culture." I know there is a term "swipe right" or is it "swipe left" and that is about it.
Taking a break sounds like a good game plan.
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 2, 2021 1:41:14 GMT -5
"Almost a virgin" I like that line. I say that with tongue in cheek. I find the number of sexual partners to be irrelevant in life. If the number is greater than zero then it is all the same. The quality of the interactions is all that matters. |
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 2, 2021 1:55:58 GMT -5
... I am dating. I’ve been rejected (mostly ghosted, which boggles my mind — I can handle rejection, and prefer honesty, but it seems impossible for 90% of the guys so far. Thankfully, I recognize that this kind of behaviour says a lot about the kind of people they are, and they are clearly not my kind of people. I was just reading a story on medium.com by a woman expressing her frustration with a similar situation. She is extremely open about her sexual and emotional needs in a relationship. Most people probably think she has her pick of the litter but she wrote about the same ghosting BS. Her take was that these guys who ghost want all the thrill of the chase, the emotional high from NRE, but lack the balls to actually engage in a relationship. They do not have the emotional bandwidth to align their needs and desires with another human. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 2, 2021 6:02:28 GMT -5
... I am dating. I’ve been rejected (mostly ghosted, which boggles my mind — I can handle rejection, and prefer honesty, but it seems impossible for 90% of the guys so far. Thankfully, I recognize that this kind of behaviour says a lot about the kind of people they are, and they are clearly not my kind of people. I was just reading a story on medium.com by a woman expressing her frustration with a similar situation. She is extremely open about her sexual and emotional needs in a relationship. Most people probably think she has her pick of the litter but she wrote about the same ghosting BS. Her take was that these guys who ghost want all the thrill of the chase, the emotional high from NRE, but lack the balls to actually engage in a relationship. They do not have the emotional bandwidth to align their needs and desires with another human. Reports indicate 80% of women swipe right on 20% of guys. When women swipe on that 21st percentile, they often think they are choosing a plain Joe average guy when he's actually quite handsome. On top of that, Tinder algorithms deliberately send you people that have been swiped right a lot so you're led yto believe everyone on their app is attractive. Only after an hour do you start to see the ordinary folk mixed in with the Hollywood types. Maybe it's changed. Dunno. Tinder struck me as playing the lottery unless you belong on a pinup calendar. (guys) Women can get laid there, if they want. If TMD swiped on one of these 20% hunkeroos, he may be interested in a long term meaningful relationship too, but at 4:1 ratio, most women lose out and given that those 3 rejects can swipe right on the next guy, the selection may actually be dozens to one. The good ones may choose a lifemate and go offline for years. The players come back repeatedly and make up the bulk of the available males. It's just statistics. These "high value" guys may not write all the aspiration ladies a thank you letter. Women on Tinder get hundreds of replies. It may not surprise us that the guys that swipe right get no response or that they suddenly don't hear from a lady after a few exchanges. Who has the time? The hot guys on Tinder may be equally swamped. Maybe they started out courteous and it was a time suck. Maybe they got jaded and think admiration/attraction comes cheap and they don't value it. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 2, 2021 7:00:22 GMT -5
I was just reading a story on medium.com by a woman expressing her frustration with a similar situation. She is extremely open about her sexual and emotional needs in a relationship. Most people probably think she has her pick of the litter but she wrote about the same ghosting BS. Her take was that these guys who ghost want all the thrill of the chase, the emotional high from NRE, but lack the balls to actually engage in a relationship. They do not have the emotional bandwidth to align their needs and desires with another human. Reports indicate 80% of women swipe right on 20% of guys. When women swipe on that 21st percentile, they often think they are choosing a plain Joe average guy when he's actually quite handsome. On top of that, Tinder algorithms deliberately send you people that have been swiped right a lot so you're led yto believe everyone on their app is attractive. Only after an hour do you start to see the ordinary folk mixed in with the Hollywood types. Maybe it's changed. Dunno. Tinder struck me as playing the lottery unless you belong on a pinup calendar. (guys) Women can get laid there, if they want. If TMD swiped on one of these 20% hunkeroos, he may be interested in a long term meaningful relationship too, but at 4:1 ratio, most women lose out and given that those 3 rejects can swipe right on the next guy, the selection may actually be dozens to one. The good ones may choose a lifemate and go offline for years. The players come back repeatedly and make up the bulk of the available males. It's just statistics. These "high value" guys may not write all the aspiration ladies a thank you letter. Women on Tinder get hundreds of replies. It may not surprise us that the guys that swipe right get no response or that they suddenly don't hear from a lady after a few exchanges. Who has the time? The hot guys on Tinder may be equally swamped. Maybe they started out courteous and it was a time suck. Maybe they got jaded and think admiration/attraction comes cheap and they don't value it. I don't own a smart phone so I don't know which is better, swipe left or right. Ladies complain of getting "ghosted". From a male perspective the complaint would probably be , not getting a reply or response at all. Or on occasion getting a reply and later finding the woman is just interested in validation of her appeal, and not really interested in pursuing dating or a relationship at all. The classical "tease" is alive and well. So no it doesn't surprise me that guys who swipe right get disappointed when nothing comes of their effort. And as to the bulk of the males being "players" I doubt it. Statistics say to me that most males are really looking for a physical/emotional relationship on some level. The need to pass along one's genes to the next generation runs pretty strong in most males. It's said that women are not as visual as men when it comes to choosing a partner or mate. I don't know. I never depended on looks to get me around the bases and into a ladies nickers. If I felt some initial interest I most often pursued it. If we clicked then I kept chasing until I reached the goal or the the pursuit proved to be fruitless. My guess is that that may be an apt view of what most males do. |
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Post by Handy on Sept 2, 2021 13:47:55 GMT -5
I had to look up "swipe right" so I understood the term correctly. On Tinder, swiping right means you approve of a male/female after judging them by a few picture and a short bio. "Swipe right" can be used anytime you make a good choice or approve of something.[/b] About men being interested in a woman and men in it for the NRE or chase, I am not much of a chaser. A woman is interested in me or not. I do put some effort in making friends but I am not going to be pushy. That is not to say that I do not invest in long term friendly relationships. I don't do the catch and release (not interested after getting what I want  ) method very well. I try to figure out if a relationship will work for both of us before I get too involved. |
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 2, 2021 18:15:56 GMT -5
Maybe tmd can clarify her use of the Term 'ghosting' but my understanding is it not the first reply unanswered. It is after some amount of communication has taken place and then the ghoster drops out without explanation. Frequently the profile is deleted or a block is initiated. In the story I referenced a date was setup and he called that day with some excuse to cancel saying he would call to reschedule and then he disappeared (became a ghost). That is quite different from not replying to some "Hey Babe, I like ur picture? U DTF? HMU!" |
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Post by Handy on Sept 2, 2021 18:32:34 GMT -5
I read a dating forum mostly for women and the general consensus was a woman was not supposed to tell a man why she did not want to continue communicating with a man because any reason she gave would be countered with why she was wrong. Other women just said to tell the man she had something come up and no more
One common reason was the woman didn't owe the man anything if the relationship was less than 3 months old.
Another reason for ghosting a guy was if the woman wanted to devote more time to another man, that she should never let man "B" know she was more interested in man "A" mostly to avoid any future arguments. Maybe men do the same things.
About me "swiping right," Yes I did that when I looked at some used welders. One is in the garage and has its own welding cart.
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 2, 2021 19:59:19 GMT -5
... as to the bulk of the males being "players" I doubt it. Statistics say to me that most males are really looking for a physical/emotional relationship on some level. The need to pass along one's genes to the next generation runs pretty strong in most males.... Our conclusions are not exclusive. The males interested in long-term relationships will remove themselves from the pool. In the time it takes for a long term relationship to run its course, a Casanova has come and gone from perhaps 30 relationships even if he's only dating one at a time, which is by no means required. After the few weeks or months, he's back online, in the mix of selectable gents. Statistically, you'll run into the cad because he's on so much more often. Even if the gents vastly outnumber the cads, you'll see more of them in your list of possible picks. At least, it's a possibility. You could be right. Until birth control came along, five minutes could be as good as a year in terms of spreading genes. I don't give our brains much credit for having caught up with 1960's technology. "Remember son, the best part about kids?...is makin' em!" Rodney Dangerfield, Back to School
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Post by baza on Sept 2, 2021 23:50:31 GMT -5
Incidently, a couple of years back I polled the ILIASM membership asking "where did you meet your spouse ?"
Here's what came up - (there were 34 responders)
Met on internet - 10 (29%)
Met at school/college/uni - 9 (26%)
Met at social group - 4 (12%)
Met at work - 4 (12%)
Met at a bar - 3 (8%)
Met at a party - 2 (6%)
Met via want adds in paper - 2 (6%)
Met by speed dating - 1 (3%)
Met by mutual friend - 1 (3%)
Make of it what you will, but it would seem that you can pick up a dud anywhere, not just the net.
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Post by TMD on Sept 3, 2021 0:05:22 GMT -5
Maybe tmd can clarify her use of the Term 'ghosting' but my understanding is it not the first reply unanswered. It is after some amount of communication has taken place and then the ghoster drops out without explanation. Frequently the profile is deleted or a block is initiated. In the story I referenced a date was setup and he called that day with some excuse to cancel saying he would call to reschedule and then he disappeared (became a ghost). That is quite different from not replying to some "Hey Babe, I like ur picture? U DTF? HMU!" Yes, the version of ghosting that happens after something has been established. - several months in with a guy earlier this year and he literally disappeared. I did some sleuthing and he has a partner/girlfriend. - met one guy who said, ‘keep in touch,’ and then promptly blocked me. Lol. I still can’t figure out what happened. We know people in common. Weird. - another couple months with another guy who goes on a month long vacation… 2 months ago. Lol. All of these simply prove that they showed me who they are. Communication is so important to me. Clearly those couple months guys were not going to rise to the challenge. |
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Post by TMD on Sept 3, 2021 0:06:59 GMT -5
Incidently, a couple of years back I polled the ILIASM membership asking "where did you meet your spouse ?" Here's what came up - (there were 34 responders) Met on internet - 10 (29%) Met at school/college/uni - 9 (26%) Met at social group - 4 (12%) Met at work - 4 (12%) Met at a bar - 3 (8%) Met at a party - 2 (6%) Met via want adds in paper - 2 (6%) Met by speed dating - 1 (3%) Met by mutual friend - 1 (3%) Make of it what you will, but it would seem that you can pick up a dud anywhere, not just the net. So far, I’m batting 100 on the duds. ;-) |
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) method very well. I try to figure out if a relationship will work for both of us before I get too involved.