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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 18, 2017 13:40:13 GMT -5
Really hoping you didn't buy her a card.... A card AND present. It wasn't much, but it was at least worth a handjob. I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but why? It's a celebration and only one person in the marriage has anything to celebrate.
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Post by Carol on Apr 18, 2017 19:54:54 GMT -5
My anniversary is coming up at the end of month and I'm already depressed about it. It will be 17 years of marriage, 14 completely sexless. We'll go for a nice for a nice dinner, that I'll do all the planning for. He will complain about something that wasn't to his liking and will end up pissing me off and we'll end up in a fight. I don't know why I even bother anymore.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 19, 2017 1:53:07 GMT -5
My anniversary is coming up at the end of month and I'm already depressed about it. It will be 17 years of marriage, 14 completely sexless. We'll go for a nice for a nice dinner, that I'll do all the planning for. He will complain about something that wasn't to his liking and will end up pissing me off and we'll end up in a fight. I don't know why I even bother anymore. I'm very curious to know how you have survived 14 sexless years. I think even I would have snapped.
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Post by shamwow on Apr 19, 2017 14:58:19 GMT -5
My anniversary is coming up at the end of month and I'm already depressed about it. It will be 17 years of marriage, 14 completely sexless. We'll go for a nice for a nice dinner, that I'll do all the planning for. He will complain about something that wasn't to his liking and will end up pissing me off and we'll end up in a fight. I don't know why I even bother anymore. For you, I'd suggest the Fillet Mignon. For him, may I recommend a ricin souffle. Both pair well with a nice red.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 19, 2017 15:53:26 GMT -5
My anniversary is coming up at the end of month and I'm already depressed about it. It will be 17 years of marriage, 14 completely sexless. We'll go for a nice for a nice dinner, that I'll do all the planning for. He will complain about something that wasn't to his liking and will end up pissing me off and we'll end up in a fight. I don't know why I even bother anymore. So scale it back, make your life easier. Get a generic emotionless card, order in a pizza and relax in your pajamas. i'd be damned if I would waste time planning something for anyone that is going to complain and lead to a fight. Save the money on a fancy dinner buy yourself a nice purse instead.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 19, 2017 16:00:45 GMT -5
A handjob is actually a lot to ask from someone who isn't into you and doesn't want to give one to you. People get hung up on the "should" because of a wedding ceremony X years ago - but that has little to do with how you two actually live, right?
It's not that I'm being sympathetic to her and not you, really. More that it can be helpful to understand what it is that you are dealing with. You appear to be at the "should" stage, which is characterized by disappointment because she is at the "doesn't" stage. So, I think you are right in as much as if you are in an intimate relationship with someone, that they would likely WANT to celebrate with physical intimacy. She doesn't, and by your description, does not appear to be in an intimate relationship with you.
I guess I'm trying to reframe the scale of this from the sandcastle of "my wife has missed an opportunity to bring me joy" to the Everest mountain of "I do not have an intimate relationship with that woman", in which case a lack of hand diddling makes perfect sense.
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Post by wom360 on Apr 19, 2017 18:02:05 GMT -5
Happy Anniversary to me! You know, I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would today. Sure I would have liked at least a blowjob, or even just a handjob since we survived 12 years, but nothing came close to intimacy. She pulled one of her old tricks to make sure I didn't try anything funny: she didn't shower today because she was to "lazy on her day off". But, I took myself shopping on Amazon and bought myself something nice for putting up with this stupid shit for 12 years. And ended the night as I always do, spending time with my trusty member, who never lets me down. I'm looking to another Anniversary: my one year mark since my last mediocre sex experience with the W. Coming up in August! Seriously....is a handjob too much to ask for your Anniversary? Really? Ask yourself one very brutal question... How many more sexless anniversaries (and 364 sexless days on every single one) will you accept? 12 years will soon turn into 15...then in no time at all into 25... then absolute majority of people here sigh with sad regret .."it is too late...who will want me now?".... And at certain milestones, depending on the state, you'll trigger things like permanent alimony. Every day you stay divorce gets more expensive and harder to justify financially.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 20, 2017 9:41:43 GMT -5
Ask yourself one very brutal question... How many more sexless anniversaries (and 364 sexless days on every single one) will you accept? 12 years will soon turn into 15...then in no time at all into 25... then absolute majority of people here sigh with sad regret .."it is too late...who will want me now?".... And at certain milestones, depending on the state, you'll trigger things like permanent alimony. Every day you stay divorce gets more expensive and harder to justify financially. I've also seen a few cautionary tales on here and in my own circles of a relationship with a total dysfunctional breakdown, and then someone contracts a terrible illness or debilitating injury and wrestles with his or her sense of responsibility to this person who treated them with indifference or contempt when in good health.
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 20, 2017 10:41:16 GMT -5
deadzone75 Respect and sympathy. I feel like I am sending condolences for the loss of a loved one. When something dies - it is time to mourn and wail - but then what? My heart weighs heavy reading your post. What next? More waiting and "celebrating" key dates baza suggests?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2017 11:50:09 GMT -5
So sorry. I haven't been allowed to celebrate Anniversary's period. I have literally never celebrated an anniversary or valentine's day at all. Secretly I yearn for things like that. I probably won't admit it out loud but I do . it sucks. This summer, I will have been married for 14 years. And yes, my husband most definitely doesn't want to have sex. he'll say that I'm old and that I just no longer think about it. But his hyper religious self would be disgusted if he knew I masterbated. And no showering on purpose - yeah my husband only showers and smells good for other people. le sigh hang in there ~ It an easy fix just tell hubby you are giving yourself to god when you masturbate... don't forget to shout out a few "oh god" as your climax
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Post by Carol on Apr 21, 2017 0:15:18 GMT -5
My anniversary is coming up at the end of month and I'm already depressed about it. It will be 17 years of marriage, 14 completely sexless. We'll go for a nice for a nice dinner, that I'll do all the planning for. He will complain about something that wasn't to his liking and will end up pissing me off and we'll end up in a fight. I don't know why I even bother anymore. I'm very curious to know how you have survived 14 sexless years. I think even I would have snapped. [ I'm barely hanging on. I've already been hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety. He's going to sex therapy but nothing has changed and I'm at the point of not being sexually attracted to him any longer. And the man I am sexually attracted to is married and I've not had any interaction with him in over a year, just admired from afar. Any thoughts of leaving have been hit with setback after setback. I'm not how much I'm going to be able to take.
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Post by merrygoround on Apr 21, 2017 1:20:49 GMT -5
I'm very curious to know how you have survived 14 sexless years. I think even I would have snapped. [ I'm barely hanging on. I've already been hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety. He's going to sex therapy but nothing has changed and I'm at the point of not being sexually attracted to him any longer. And the man I am sexually attracted to is married and I've not had any interaction with him in over a year, just admired from afar. Any thoughts of leaving have been hit with setback after setback. I'm not how much I'm going to be able to take. It is absolutely vital you take care of yourself and NOW, Carol. Your post really touched me - it shouts of the pain you are in. I understand depression and anxiety only too well - and possibly it might be situational? Mine started off that way and got worse and worse until i couldn't face another day - i was seeing a psychologist at the time and we fully discussed my dysfunctional marriage. This was years ago. My depression worsened and i began to use alcohol as a crutch. Which we all know makes it even worse, being a depressive in itself. Things came to a head in 2011 with a suicide attempt. That wasn't my rock bottom though - the fact that i had failed was. I was referred to another therapist to deal with the now combination of problems - that in conjunction with the conflict in marriage and slowly i got stronger. Don't lose yourself as i did, please. Get help - all great for him but as you say nothing has changed - and likely never will. Find acceptance of that if you can - get all the help and support you can - but for YOU. Take care x
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Post by doneanddone on Apr 21, 2017 12:04:39 GMT -5
Hi. I just joined and left a lengthy introduction on the Introduce Yourself page. Seems like we all are in the same boat with this issue. With me it doesn't just stop with anniversary. It's birthday's (mine or hers), valentines day, special occasions, or even when we are alone at home without our daughter. I feel you pain. You are not alone.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2017 12:16:54 GMT -5
I'm very curious to know how you have survived 14 sexless years. I think even I would have snapped. [ I'm barely hanging on. I've already been hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety. He's going to sex therapy but nothing has changed and I'm at the point of not being sexually attracted to him any longer. And the man I am sexually attracted to is married and I've not had any interaction with him in over a year, just admired from afar. Any thoughts of leaving have been hit with setback after setback. I'm not how much I'm going to be able to take. You can't make these life decisions unless you totally healthy yourself. Things will always fail unless you are mentally strong so the first thing you need to do is forget about anyone else and do whatever you need to do to get yourself healthy and hopefully happy - good luck
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 23, 2021 21:26:25 GMT -5
Wow...I forgot about this thread...4 years ago, and I was internally pleading for a scrap to be thrown my way. Anniversary 16 came and went last week, only this year there were no expectations, and no desire for (or to settle for) a scrap. And this year, the wasteland that this M has become was brought to the table, and by her, no less. She asked, "Have you ever wanted out of this marriage?" Now, I have mentally prepared for initial exit talks for years, playing out all the possible ways it could start and end, and in not one of those scenarios did she take the lead. This led to the first semi-heart-to-heart discussions about this M in as many years, about 12 years or so overdue, but...better late than never. When I started this thread, you couldn't have convinced me that I'd still be here 4 years later. 4 years from now, I won't be here, one way or another. I'm not out by any means, but initial talks have taken place, and the strangest thing...I've actually felt pretty damn good since. I'm not doing cartwheels, but there is a sense of victory in bringing the dysfunction to the surface, no more pretending...tell the truth that I'm not crazy but you likely are, and I can stop brooding for the first time in more than a decade and a half. The weight isn't as heavy, the process of bleeding out the resentment. The sad truth...best Anniversary of them all.
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