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Post by lessingham on Oct 8, 2023 4:58:33 GMT -5
Well, she replied out of the blue! A little formal and remote, but still a reply. It was a pleasing moment
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Post by isthisit on Oct 8, 2023 5:08:04 GMT -5
Well, she replied out of the blue! A little formal and remote, but still a reply. It was a pleasing moment Fabulous! I am so pleased you’re back in touch with her. I hope it goes well. |
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 8, 2023 9:32:30 GMT -5
Well, she replied out of the blue! A little formal and remote, but still a reply. It was a pleasing moment i do have a question as i have a long distance friend i chat with we always talk of meeting up ... do you think your meeting did not go well because you could flirt chat and perhaps say sexual type things but when face to face you felt you were strangers. i have thought of meeting up and worry he may chicken out or become reserved and shy all though he talks a big game in flirty way when we email or video chat i would be very sad if it was not relaxed and easy like our friendship has been |
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Post by lessingham on Oct 8, 2023 16:25:05 GMT -5
It was weird. I got a weird vibe we were being followed, either by one of her friends or whatever. I could not relax. Plus I could not square the person I met with her online persona, naybe she felt the same about me.
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diode
Junior Member
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Post by diode on Oct 8, 2023 19:29:52 GMT -5
I had an oddball experience a pinch along these lines.
I had a social media friend that I had never met. We PMed on and off. She was moderately flirty in both the PMs and even in more public group discussions. At one point, she suggested meeting up were we in the same general locale (she has family in my area, and I occasionally pass through hers, so a meetup would not be an implausibility).
Late last year, I stopped over in her town for a few days. We met up as originally proposed. We greeted with a hug. She almost immediately asked whether I was married, suggesting that she had been having at least some romantic thoughts. I told her about my status, and she told me that she was not going to get involved with a married man. Even so, we spent about 4 hours together and shared a lot about our personal lives, making her the only person on the planet who knows certain things about me. We parted with another hug, and I felt a kiss on my neck. Yes, it was nice.
A few days after I returned home, she initiated a text conversation. During the banter, she reiterated her intention to steer clear of a married man. I spelled out that I hadn't asked anything of her (just in case she was worried about me pursuing). She said she wasn't worried, which didn't quite compute given her repeated statement, but we both dropped it.
The messaging faded over the next few weeks, and all was silent for about 8 months. At that point, I had an alert that she had updated a profile picture. I looked at it but said nothing. A few days later, I accidentally discovered that she had blocked me. She clearly didn't want me to peer into her private life and presumably had no interest peering into mine. I deleted her phone number to ensure that I didn't make an embarrassing and uncomfortable butt dial.
Here's an odd thing. About 3 weeks later, I serendipitously discovered that she had unblocked me. The blocking and unblocking seem like a very roundabout way of unfriending someone who hasn't said a peep throughout most of a year. However, I'm simply not curious enough to inquire.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 9, 2023 11:12:21 GMT -5
...During the banter, she reiterated her intention to steer clear of a married man. I spelled out that I hadn't asked anything of her (just in case she was worried about me pursuing). She said she wasn't worried, which didn't quite compute given her repeated statement, but we both dropped it. About 3 weeks later, I serendipitously discovered that she had unblocked me. The blocking and unblocking seem like a very roundabout way of unfriending someone who hasn't said a peep throughout most of a year. However, I'm simply not curious enough to inquire.
1) Doesn't want you to lead yourself on and the repeat is intended to head off that unkindness. 2) She's emphasizing that your marriage is the only thing holding her back. She may want you to change that, but doesn't want to be accused of having been any part of the cause. Unblocking. She didn't want to explain you to a prospective boyfriend. When the candidate washed out, she didn't want to signal ineligibility. Doesn't much matter. Your blasé reaction serves you well. |
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Post by lessingham on Oct 11, 2023 4:52:16 GMT -5
Well, whatever flame flickered seems to have gone out. Been several days since my last enail and no reply.
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Post by blunder8 on Oct 11, 2023 9:28:22 GMT -5
Well, whatever flame flickered seems to have gone out. Been several days since my last email and no reply. Seems like she gave a courtesy reply. Nothing more. I'd let it go. |
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Post by isthisit on Oct 11, 2023 17:40:15 GMT -5
Well, whatever flame flickered seems to have gone out. Been several days since my last enail and no reply. Possibly, but is it not a little early to give up hope? I don’t think a few days is so significant. This lady could just be taking her time to process your arrival and spending some time to consider what she does and does not want to engage with. It might be that she has less to give you than before, given the history, but she does want you in her orbit in some shape or form. And you might have to be prepared to settle for that. I think if she wanted to ignore you she would not have responded. Patience is key, give her the space she seems to need. And no-one likes needy, so less hand on your ha’penny. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 12, 2023 8:09:31 GMT -5
Well, whatever flame flickered seems to have gone out. Been several days since my last enail and no reply. Possibly, but is it not a little early to give up hope? I don’t think a few days is so significant. This lady could just be taking her time to process your arrival and spending some time to consider what she does and does not want to engage with. It might be that she has less to give you than before, given the history, but she does want you in her orbit in some shape or form. And you might have to be prepared to settle for that. I think if she wanted to ignore you she would not have responded. Patience is key, give her the space she seems to need. And no-one likes needy, so less hand on your ha’penny. I agree with most of what is said above , but I have a different take. The general advice given by men to other men about a woman's failure to show much enthusiasm in the early stages is this. If the woman does not show she is eaqually interested in pursueing a possible relationship, you should move on. Do not waste your time on a woman who is just looking for validation, a penpa[ or a platonic friend. Unless these are the roles you wish to play. Most likely she was just being nice. Actions speak louder than words. In this case her lack of action says she is not really interested. No sence beating a dead horse. |
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Post by isthisit on Oct 12, 2023 9:19:03 GMT -5
Possibly, but is it not a little early to give up hope? I don’t think a few days is so significant. This lady could just be taking her time to process your arrival and spending some time to consider what she does and does not want to engage with. It might be that she has less to give you than before, given the history, but she does want you in her orbit in some shape or form. And you might have to be prepared to settle for that. I think if she wanted to ignore you she would not have responded. Patience is key, give her the space she seems to need. And no-one likes needy, so less hand on your ha’penny. I agree with most of what is said above, but I have a different take. The general advice given by men to other men about a woman's failure to show much enthusiasm in the early stages is this. If the woman does not show she is eaqually interested in pursueing a possible relationship, you should move on. Do not waste your time on a woman who is just looking for validation, a penpa[ or a platonic friend. Unless these are the roles you wish to play. Most likely she was just being nice. Actions speak louder than words. In this case her lack of action says she is not really interested. No sence beating a dead horse. That is an interesting perspective on what guys say to guys, thank you. I am not sure I necessarily agree with it in all cases, there can be many reasons a woman might be a little hesitant at first, but I accept that actions speak louder than words has a lot of merit too. From the other side of the gender divide, frequent advice from women to women can be to “treat him mean to keep him keen”, so I can certainly see why men can take the view you describe. Speaking for myself, I have always found that unpleasant advice. I do not do mind games in any aspect of life, so if manipulation is required I quietly move on. As far as lessingham is concerned my understanding is that he is a platonic pen pal (platonic with some elasticity for naughtiness to be specific) so more is not actually on the table. Perhaps I have misunderstood this. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 14, 2023 16:24:55 GMT -5
Years ago, I met in person someone with whom I'd had some friendly, borderline flirty email exchanges in a social media discussion board on nonsexual topics in our field. We met when we ended up at the same professional conference. While I'd enjoyed our emails, there was no in-person chemistry, possibly because of pheromones. There was nothing wrong with his looks or conversational skills. I just didn't find him sexually attractive. He didn't do anything wrong. There simply was no spark on my part.
One of my women friends who has lots of hook-ups with men she meets online says that she has found that for her, chemistry is important. She always meets prospects for a coffee date and ends the date with a kiss before making further plans. She says that if she feels no chemistry, she doesn't proceed with a hook-up, and she tells the men, "Sorry. I just don't feel chemistry." She doesn't think chemistry is that important for men because even though the men who are her prospects are in general 20 years younger than her and very good looking (She is good looking for 72 and can pass for late 50s), none of her prospects have turned her down.
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78
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Post by diode on Oct 14, 2023 20:42:12 GMT -5
Well, whatever flame flickered seems to have gone out. Been several days since my last enail and no reply. 4-day rule... |
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Post by lessingham on Oct 30, 2023 3:50:26 GMT -5
And now an email saying she is coming to England in February, did I want to meet? That, would trigger my wife throwing me out as she knows. Weird sort of testibf?
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 30, 2023 4:16:20 GMT -5
How could your wife throw you out of the house? At least in the states, that would not be possible. And, frankly, as bad as your marriage is and as much as your wife depends on you, wouldn't separation/divorce be a good thing for you by freeing up your life so you could do what you want? And, in all honesty, given all that you do for your wife, it seems unlikely she would dump you. What would she do without you? You really do hold the cards in your relationship. You just don't play them.
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