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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 5, 2024 14:40:21 GMT -5
It’s honestly like dealing with a child for fucksake. My daughters have more sense of money than she does. She was a child of the welfare system and I remember when we started dating I was 16 she was 15. Her mother would have the first of the month paycheck squandered in a few days. She seen this happen and never learned from it. She always has the mindset of here and now, didn’t give a shit about tomorrow or coming days weeks or years. I always figured I could fix this not a dealbreaker.. I was wrong. She hid it from me. She knew what she did was wrong and even felt bad for it and would do it again and again in some shape or form. Not just about sex any longer. Wow. I'm sorry. That's like trying to swim while wearing concrete shoes.
I know someone who's gone bankrupt twice due to his wife's spending, and now his retirement consists of subsisting on Social Security. There's no escaping that kind of financial self-destruction without divorce. It becomes a matter of survival.
DC
I'd point out that if one is married to a lovable idiot, the divorce can be in name only. You can stay living in the same house, make love, keep wearing your rings, live together, but separate your credit rating from theirs. Assuming the dumdum is okay with separate bank accounts, you can start to establish financial health solo, but with a lover you keep until death. Maybe make a trust fund your heir so he/she doesn't blow it all the second you're in the grave. If you believe marriage is the vows between you, maybe to God, and the love you share, the paperwork at the courthouse isn't really important, but saves your behind with creditors. They need that paperwork, not you. This could apply to medical debt as well. Your vows can stay fully intact even as the courthouse says his/her ill health is not your problem. It doesn't do a bit of good for both of you to be bankrupt. Better to recognize that marriage is in hearts and minds, not in a file cabinet downtown. |
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 5, 2024 16:15:28 GMT -5
m76: Your marital counseliing sessions are the perfect place to tell her it's over or what needs to happen for your marriage to continue.
The reason that many people like marital counseling is useless is because that's the place in which many announce or realize that their marriage is over. Some even go into marital counseling as a way of giving their partner support when they announce that they plan to divorce. Not all marriages can be healed through counseling. In some, the issues are so deep and/or the couple is so incompatible that the best that counseling can do is help the partners agree to divorce and move on.
Your wife's lack of participation in the counseling indicates that healing the marriage isn't something important to her. She may even be like my ex-- who only went through the motions in counseling -- who quickly agreed when I finally asked for a divorce. He'd checked out long ago....
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Mar 5, 2024 16:33:28 GMT -5
m76: Your marital counseliing sessions are the perfect place to tell her it's over or what needs to happen for your marriage to continue. The reason that many people like marital counseling is useless is because that's the place in which many announce or realize that their marriage is over. Some even go into marital counseling as a way of giving their partner support when they announce that they plan to divorce. Not all marriages can be healed through counseling. In some, the issues are so deep and/or the couple is so incompatible that the best that counseling can do is help the partners agree to divorce and move on. Your wife's lack of participation in the counseling indicates that healing the marriage isn't something important to her. She may even be like my ex-- who only went through the motions in counseling -- who quickly agreed when I finally asked for a divorce. He'd checked out long ago.... Maybe. I had a one on one with our therapist and my wife will have hers next Monday. I know now how I've contributed to this. But I also am making an effort to change. Im giving her time to change too but my patience isn't limitless. I told the therapist that I'm 6 months into the effort and it probably won't be another 6. We also talked about if my wife does decide to have sex but if it's treated as a chore, what would i do. I said I would also leave in that case. I don't think the therapist was too hopeful. |
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