mip
New Member
Posts: 3 
|
Post by mip on Oct 11, 2016 1:11:15 GMT -5
Hello all, Im MiP or Miserable in Paradise. I have been reading some posts and see some have been living like this for a long time. I have only been married for 4 years and I dont know how you long timers stayed together for so long. But in my case, its not only the lack of sex (more than 2 years) but the lack of everything else that bothers me. I guess what Im saying is if sex was the ONLY thing missing in my marriage, I think I would be happier today. We have no kids together. We got married in our 50's. When we were dating, we had sex multiple times a week and got along fine..I must admit we did get married not long after we met. My bad. I take full responsibility for being stupid. I just asked her to move out ( I bought my house before we got married) and she agreed. Im tired of chasing someone who doesnt want to be chased(or is it caught). Hopefully I can get good advice from some of you and I appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Oct 11, 2016 5:51:02 GMT -5
It reads like an open and shut situation.
You have asked her to move out, she's agreed to do so.
-
See a lawyer to get familiar with your legal rights and obligations in your jurisdiction, set a date for her departure, and work toward it.
-
I hope you don't get a nasty surprise and find that "your" house would form part of the divisible assets.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Oct 11, 2016 8:22:39 GMT -5
Hello all, Im MiP or Miserable in Paradise. I have been reading some posts and see some have been living like this for a long time. I have only been married for 4 years and I dont know how you long timers stayed together for so long. But in my case, its not only the lack of sex (more than 2 years) but the lack of everything else that bothers me. I guess what Im saying is if sex was the ONLY thing missing in my marriage, I think I would be happier today. We have no kids together. We got married in our 50's. When we were dating, we had sex multiple times a week and got along fine..I must admit we did get married not long after we met. My bad. I take full responsibility for being stupid. I just asked her to move out ( I bought my house before we got married) and she agreed. Im tired of chasing someone who doesnt want to be chased(or is it caught). Hopefully I can get good advice from some of you and I appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks Welcome. You are in the right place and you are not alone. Hmmm. Married in your 50's, your wife should know better and shame on her for taking your relationship and you for granted. Read a lot here it will help you to figure out what you want for yourself. |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Oct 11, 2016 12:03:20 GMT -5
Hello all, Im MiP or Miserable in Paradise. I have been reading some posts and see some have been living like this for a long time. I have only been married for 4 years and I dont know how you long timers stayed together for so long. But in my case, its not only the lack of sex (more than 2 years) but the lack of everything else that bothers me. Good on you for a) taking action, and b) recognizing your part in the situation. Both are positives for your future. |
|
|
|
Post by only4me2know on Oct 12, 2016 4:35:55 GMT -5
Hi married woman 42. Just hoping to find others that have experienced or are experiencing similar issues that I am in my so called "marriage."
Husband lies, cheats n is addicted to porn. But doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I'm sure there are other places for me to tell my story.
Thank you and I look forward to chatting with everyone!
|
|
|
|
Post by timeforliving2 on Oct 12, 2016 22:50:06 GMT -5
Hi married woman 42. Just hoping to find others that have experienced or are experiencing similar issues that I am in my so called "marriage." Husband lies, cheats n is addicted to porn. But doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I'm sure there are other places for me to tell my story. Thank you and I look forward to chatting with everyone! Welcome. You should re-post the full details of your story here. The other thread you posted it on was a bit out of place / someone else's story. It would be easier to follow it here. Or start a new thread in a different category. TL2 |
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Oct 13, 2016 14:31:56 GMT -5
So so glad to have found everyone! I had just "re-joined" EP when *poof* sorry we are shutting it down!
I was, a very long time ago, known as InertiaCreeps and then RexCorvus.
Nothing has changed in many ways, but I feel like I am changing.
I need to figure this site out.
RC
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Oct 14, 2016 0:26:34 GMT -5
So so glad to have found everyone! I had just "re-joined" EP when *poof* sorry we are shutting it down! I was, a very long time ago, known as InertiaCreeps and then RexCorvus. IC, I remember you. Welcome to the new digs! only4me2know, if you're in the mood to share your story and get comments from others, there's a section here called Sexless Marriage Issues that would be the perfect spot to start a thread. But until then, browse around and jump in as you like! |
|
|
|
Post by RexCorvus on Oct 14, 2016 9:14:21 GMT -5
Thank you DryCreek!
Nice remodel you have here. I appreciate having a focused site just for ILIASM.
I am kicking the tires, reading others stories, and will post my story with updates.
Thank you again for the welcome!
RC
|
|
|
|
Post by saddad on Oct 23, 2016 10:31:07 GMT -5
Hello. I just found this forum and I'm hopeful. I love my wife and find her very attractive. I want to have sex with her and she refuses. We don't even kiss. This has been going on for a year and a half. At that time we had a very bad argument that led to her leaving the house with my two children without my permission. Our life has been sexless ever since. I have never hit my wife. I have never cheated on my wife. She claims that I have been emotionally abusive. We've been married for 14 years. In the past 5 years I sought therapy, was diagnosed with anxiety by my doc, go on some meds, felt better. Had this blow up argument with my wife a year and a half ago, (started with a discussion of why we can't have more sex). Went to a shrink, was diagnosed bi-polar 2, put on more meds. Meds have been great and I feel much better and I'm so glad that I did all of that. I've also done therapy for a year or so. My wife went to therapy and began saying that she was working on herself. When asked about our intimacy issues she would say she was working on herself. When I pushed the issue I was told that she would be physically intimate with me when I could give her the emotional intimacy that she required. I discussed that with my therapist and began researching to figure out what emotional intimacy is. I feel that I've been a great person for the past year and am fully in control now of my emotions and issues. My wife and I get along much better and we are very friendly and have fun together and with our kids. Still no kissing, making out, physical intimacy of any kind. I work daily on not being resentful and or frustrated, angry, hurt, about all of this. I feel that I need physical intimacy. I'm at the point where I'm considering divorce but I really don't want to. I love my kids more than anything and I don't want to be a part time dad. Sorry about how long this is. I could write a lot more but I doubt many will even read this much. If anyone has any thoughts for me I would appreciate your insight.
|
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Oct 23, 2016 19:10:51 GMT -5
Hello. I just found this forum and I'm hopeful. I love my wife and find her very attractive. I want to have sex with her and she refuses. We don't even kiss. This has been going on for a year and a half. At that time we had a very bad argument that led to her leaving the house with my two children without my permission. Our life has been sexless ever since. I have never hit my wife. I have never cheated on my wife. She claims that I have been emotionally abusive. We've been married for 14 years. In the past 5 years I sought therapy, was diagnosed with anxiety by my doc, go on some meds, felt better. Had this blow up argument with my wife a year and a half ago, (started with a discussion of why we can't have more sex). Went to a shrink, was diagnosed bi-polar 2, put on more meds. Meds have been great and I feel much better and I'm so glad that I did all of that. I've also done therapy for a year or so. My wife went to therapy and began saying that she was working on herself. When asked about our intimacy issues she would say she was working on herself. When I pushed the issue I was told that she would be physically intimate with me when I could give her the emotional intimacy that she required. I discussed that with my therapist and began researching to figure out what emotional intimacy is. I feel that I've been a great person for the past year and am fully in control now of my emotions and issues. My wife and I get along much better and we are very friendly and have fun together and with our kids. Still no kissing, making out, physical intimacy of any kind. I work daily on not being resentful and or frustrated, angry, hurt, about all of this. I feel that I need physical intimacy. I'm at the point where I'm considering divorce but I really don't want to. I love my kids more than anything and I don't want to be a part time dad. Sorry about how long this is. I could write a lot more but I doubt many will even read this much. If anyone has any thoughts for me I would appreciate your insight. Hi saddad and welcome. It sounds like you have a bunch of history together, which you may need some help in working out. And that neither of you feel your needs are being met by the other. You said you are now fully in control of your emotions and feel like you have been great the past year. So either she has residual trust issues (which wouldn't be too surprising), or maybe there is another level you can take this to in terms of your connection. Have you discussed having counselling together so you can explore your feelings for each other in a relatively safe environment. Something like EFT (emotion focused therapy) could be very useful for this. And if you want to write more, we will read it! Start a thread in the Sexless Marriage Issues group and you will get a lot more responses there. |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 24, 2016 18:46:07 GMT -5
Hello. I just found this forum and I'm hopeful. I love my wife and find her very attractive. I want to have sex with her and she refuses. We don't even kiss. This has been going on for a year and a half. At that time we had a very bad argument that led to her leaving the house with my two children without my permission. Our life has been sexless ever since. I have never hit my wife. I have never cheated on my wife. She claims that I have been emotionally abusive. We've been married for 14 years. In the past 5 years I sought therapy, was diagnosed with anxiety by my doc, go on some meds, felt better. Had this blow up argument with my wife a year and a half ago, (started with a discussion of why we can't have more sex). Went to a shrink, was diagnosed bi-polar 2, put on more meds. Meds have been great and I feel much better and I'm so glad that I did all of that. I've also done therapy for a year or so. My wife went to therapy and began saying that she was working on herself. When asked about our intimacy issues she would say she was working on herself. When I pushed the issue I was told that she would be physically intimate with me when I could give her the emotional intimacy that she required. I discussed that with my therapist and began researching to figure out what emotional intimacy is. I feel that I've been a great person for the past year and am fully in control now of my emotions and issues. My wife and I get along much better and we are very friendly and have fun together and with our kids. Still no kissing, making out, physical intimacy of any kind. I work daily on not being resentful and or frustrated, angry, hurt, about all of this. I feel that I need physical intimacy. I'm at the point where I'm considering divorce but I really don't want to. I love my kids more than anything and I don't want to be a part time dad. Sorry about how long this is. I could write a lot more but I doubt many will even read this much. If anyone has any thoughts for me I would appreciate your insight. We read it :-) We read it because most of us wrote similar when we got here. I found ILIASM on the original site (EP = Experience Project) and it was the first human contact where I felt comfortable to spill the beans about what was wrong in my relationship. I did start out thinking "everything is great bar the sex" and then learned later what all else was also actually wrong. It took a little time for me to get with a therapist and then not a very long time to get with a lawyer. Read up on other threads and you'll see common themes among us. You get to choose what you want to do - stay or go. You get to choose what sort of relationship you model for your kids. You get to choose your own happiness. I had to leave my marriage to find mine. Others choose to stay. There is no right answer - only YOUR answer. I hope you find what you need on the site. This forum is filled with really supportive people - mostly because we are either still in our deals or have gone through them and come out the other side - in any case, we understand it like no other group of people. |
|
lew
New Member
Posts: 2
|
Post by lew on Nov 1, 2016 13:27:13 GMT -5
Hello, this is Lewjomofrom the Experience Project. Glad to have found you thanks to Kat. It will be nice to share and try to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
|
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Nov 6, 2016 20:10:57 GMT -5
Hello Fellow ILIASM members, I confess to having been a lurker for about 3 years on EP and following you all over to here after EP closed. I found you when I was searching for sexless marriage on the internet after having lived (and still am) in one for the past 15 years and feeling lost and lonely and not knowing what to do to change the situation and looking for ideas. I feel like I know many of you after reading your posts on both EP and here and I decided I didn't want to just sit by the pool but to jump in and enjoy the fellowship and make some new friends who can truly understand how it feels and to be able to share and support you as well. I am looking forward to sharing the pool with you. I know it's not one any of us wish to be in, but we can certainly enjoy and support each other as we thread our way through this experience! 
This explains why I didn't recognize your name from EP. Lurking for 3 years is a long time. I'm glad to see you here and engaging. Hopefully, you will enjoy it here  .
I'm very much enjoying the friends I've made here. Since joining this group, I am no longer allowing my wife's rejection to bother me anymore. I no longer search for the why, which as is said often, really doesn't matter. I see it as her problem and one that she may very well regret one day, especially since I've tried to discuss the situation to no avail or positive response or even an attempt to try and change. I find happiness in the friendship and support I receive here and I'm working on doing the things I need to do to take care of myself. What my future holds, I'm not sure, but because of the friends I've made on here, I no longer feel like everyday is just another trip into a depressing black hole with no hope except for death.
Thank you for all that you do to support and care.
|
|
|
|
Post by forestsoul on Nov 7, 2016 4:42:19 GMT -5
Hello. 36M from Canada. Stumbled across this forum while searching SM advice/stories. Currently in a SM with my wife. From what I'm seeing, this place is great. Almost like finding a comforting shelter in a whirling storm.
I have read snippets here of posted stories from EP (took a while to find out what EP was!), read some great advice, comments, articles, etc. But where does a newcomer share their story?
I would love to share my story for some advice, or maybe to vent and engage in some self-therapy. Should I start a new topic? Where best to share my story?
Thanks.
|
|
. 