archived introductions (Jan/Feb/Mar 2017)

Hi jpn, sad story I can relate to in the sense also my husband is an introvert who almost never sees any friends in person. Only meets them online or rarely on the phone. Though I am closer to them, see them more often, also I don't have many friends. And we moved places a lot. My H clings to me a lot and also is jealous of me having other contacts (got a bit better though). So, this "outer" isolation and monotony adds to the depression of a SM for me.
Honestly, in former years I had always thought if you are a couple it would be easier to meet up new people/ couples, but strangely it nearly never happens to us. Quite to the contrary, when we were separated for a good while (due to work) I noticed both of us but especially myself having more and more frequent friendship contacts. They seemed to vanish since we're together again and I asked myself why or is it just a coincidence?!
I also noticed myself caring more for my looks and several people (friends and relatives) said I was looking better. Now I notice I don't care that much any more esp. the way I dress ..

What is SW?  Would love to check it out.... 

Thank you.  I hope to experience that in person someday and with great frequency.

SW = similarworlds

Hello.  

Here for the same reason as everyone else.  It's been this way for a long time. 

My marriage has been sexless for about a year now. During my 2nd pregnancy, I started suffering from pelvic organ prolapse which caused an embarrassing incontinence problem (TMI but leaking urine during intercourse, throughout the day, when coughing sneezing, etc.) as well as painful intercourse.

I talked to my doctor, didn’t get much help (he said the urine leakage would get better after delivery and to use lubrication to help the painful intercourse, not very helpful).

We stopped having intercourse entirely because I was embarrassed and he wasn’t really thrilled about the prospect of getting urinated on, and I missed the sex but I just told myself that in a couple of months I would have the baby and we’d go back to normal.

Well, the pelvic organ prolapse got worse after delivery. Much worse. Much Much Much worse. The incontinence problem got so bad that leaks and odors were becoming an issue every night and my man expressed disgust/concern that our bed would be destroyed and out of embarrassment I offered to yield my spot in the marriage bed and sleep on the floor in the baby’s room until a solution was found.

I had surgery and it improved the problem but only a little. I have tried expensive bladder drugs and they only make my problem WORSE. I limit my fluids to 1 pint per day, which helps but I still have little leaks. I have been to physical therapy and learned techniques which help to some degree, but was told point blank that SOME leaking would probably always happen with intercourse. I was also told that the pain was something I’d have to work through and frequent intercourse will help it. My husband it still grossed out by the issue and wants to wait until I am “better” to resume intercourse and me sleeping in the same bed. My healthcare professionals have pretty much stated that this is as “better” as I’m going to get, and resuming intercourse will help. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I know he is just grossed out and I don’t blame him. I can’t say that if the situation was flipped I’d let him leak urine on me either. The physical therapist didn’t seem to think it was unreasonable to expect one’s partner to agree to intercourse in this situation, but, I guess most of the clients she works with are not in their early 30’s.

Anyway. I am lonely. I’m in my early 30’s and sleeping on the floor in the nursery. We have definitely drifted apart in the last year. He goes out at night after our kids go to bed, he says he’s going to the gym. I suspect he has tinder on his phone, because he knows an awful lot about how it works for someone who was married before tinder existed. He may also be paying for sex, i don’t know, but he is always very short on money. Maybe he has a girlfriend on the side. I just don’t know.

I have no friends or family where we live, My friends and family live in a different region of the country from me and I rarely see them. I feel like I’m just a repulsive unwelcome presence in his home. I have no one I can really talk to about this. All of my friends are young and healthy and would probably be freaked out if I tried to talk to them about this.

I have asked him if he wants a divorce a few times, but he gets very mad and says I better not expect him to pay child support. He also says there’s no way he’s paying for counseling. I sometimes wish I had my own apartment, my own bed, my own space, but that is not realistic financially. Being around him hurts me so much because I just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore.

Any other mums get rejected after pregnancy/childbirth due to physical changes? Any thoughts/support would be appreciated.