Xmas thread

Brother greatcoastal,

I am going to say this with as much non-Christian love as I can muster.

My view of this thread is:
1. I ask what people are doing on "Xmas".
2. Northstarmom, in reacting to someone using the word "cunt," says Xmas again.
3. You say "please stop demoralizing my faith by calling Christ 'X'"
4. It was pointed out to you multiple times that there is absolutely no offense meant by using that term, it has been an acceptable abbreviation by both Christians and non-Christians for hundreds of years. 
5. You insisted that you have the right to be offended - which you do - and that you have the right to ask people not to use the term - which you don't.
6. I asked you if you would extend the same courtesy to others' sensitivities - in my hypothetical but based-on-reality case, to ask you not to say the word "Christ" if that offended me. The question was rhetorical, because I don't expect you to do that, but the point was that you were asking people to do something to bend to your rules and your own personal idea of what is offensive to you.
7. It was emphasized to you that people should accept any greetings in the spirit in which they are given, not in a mean-spirited way.
8. You claimed that " I use polite words with reason and examples. I disagree with others RESPECTFULLY."
9. Yet you, multiple times, insist that what I was saying was an example of how refuser spouses act, and an example of DARVO.
10. You again refused to answer my question as to whether I have the right to request that you stop using the word "Christ."
11. You respond, once again, by not answering my question but with doing what you accused me of doing - more DARVO. And you insisted that I was acting like a refuser, by not admitting I was wrong.
11a. It is obvious why you refused to answer my question. It is because it boxed you in. You would either have to admit that you were wrong, or that you are guilty of double standards. Either way, you don't want to admit it. So you threw a great deal of dust in the air, hoping that no one would notice.
12. By repeatedly invoking DARVO and accusing your detractors of acting like refusers, you are guilty of giving far greater insults on a sexless marriage board than anyone could by playfully using the word "cunt," in my opinion.

So, based only on this thread, you have shown psychological projection, a failure to admit you are wrong (that you accuse others of), DARVO (thatyou accuse others of), and a self-righteous insistence that you have been respectful while repeatedly using the single biggest insult you can give to people on this board.

I am not giving you this rundown to make you feel like shit. I am not trying to make you defensive. 

As one of the relatively few people on this board who really tries to help people make their marriages work, and who believes that most of our refuser spouses are not complete jerks,and that we can all learn to be better communicators, I urge you to please step back, drop the anger and defensiveness, and think: if you are acting this way with the people who are on your side in the sexless marriage world, how are you treating your wife? Because this thread shows that you are guilty of doing here exactly what you accuse her of doing in your marriage.

Could you be at least partially in the wrong there, too?

I have not been completely blameless. I gently mocked your position in a couple of posts. But in my defense, it was that or really letting you have it. I try not to be that guy. Still, if my mocking put you over the edge, I apologize.

I'm sure you recall the thread differently, emphasizing tiny parts and ignoring the big picture. The outline above is the big picture, and I'm sorry to tell you, I think nearly everyone on the board who is still following this increasingly silly thread agrees with me more than you.

In the interests of fairness, if any of the others on this thread think that I have misrepresented things, or that I have reacted inappropriately, or that I am flat out wrong, I welcome any comments or corrections.  I promise I will answer any concerns directly and honestly, and if there is a consensus that I am in the wrong, I will offer a full apology.

Meanwhile, brother greatcoastal, please think about what I am saying.

My take on the “Christmas” deal - The X comes from Greek, which was the first letter in Jesus’ Greek name. Remember, there were newspapers that had very tight space. Many editors used “Xmas” instead of “Christmas to save space. Nothing disrespecful about that.

Now to the actual purpose of the thread. What was I doing Christmas? A lot of people asked since I lost my wife three days prior. I was with my brothers and sisters. My son soaked up family stories, particularly the ones about how my father had strange nicknames for all his kids. The day after Christmas, my son started calling me “Blond Bomber,” I told him he could only call me that if he cleaned his room. But Christmas was very nice.

The next few days, I had to move to a new apartment. This involved going through my wife’s stuff, which was not easy. Also, I had to plan my wife’s funeral. I put it off the funeral until the holidays were over. Churches were busy, and this gave ample time for her family to travel here.

Now that the move is mostly over, I am starting to grieve. While Christmas was nice, I dread New Year’s Eve. Yes, my wife refused me sex, but she always kissed me on New Year’s. I am just wishing I had a woman to kiss at midnight.

jim44444

I have rarely been so happy to be corrected.

Maybe it's just the threads I follow but I always get the impression of divorce being the first recommendation. I will gladly accept this criticism, because there really is no other support group like this one.