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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 13:25:31 GMT -5
Hello all, I call myself eights and aces because it's the dead mans hand an basically that's what my husband is from the waist down. I am so happy to have found this forum. I've been so lonely feeling like I have this terrible secret and no one wants to hear about it. On the surface I have a nice looking husband who treats me well and my friends will say I am so lucky. Behind closed doors I am made to feel like I am wrong for wanting sex and am resentful that he had a healthy sex life wife his ex wife who abandoned him and his two children. I am so sorry to hear this. Why don't you start a thread in SM Issues & talk about it. Sometimes it helps to lay out the entire situation and get the thoughts of other people.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 8, 2017 11:20:11 GMT -5
I'm glad to see I'm not alone. We got married about 24 years ago, and, things slowed way down as soon as the ring was on. She's always had an issue or excuse. Health, exhaustion, emotions,... She is a wonderful mother, and responsible, and publicly affectionate. Other than those I have confided in, nobody would believe how crappy our sex life has been.
I just turned 50, but I'm a 50 is the new 30 kind of guy. I'm tired of waiting for this to turn around, because it's not going to. We are still in love, and I want to protect the kids, but after a quarter century of dedicated fidelity I am looking at getting from outside the marriage what I cannot get in it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2017 15:44:25 GMT -5
I'm glad to see I'm not alone. We got married about 24 years ago, and, things slowed way down as soon as the ring was on. She's always had an issue or excuse. Health, exhaustion, emotions,... She is a wonderful mother, and responsible, and publicly affectionate. Other than those I have confided in, nobody would believe how crappy our sex life has been. I just turned 50, but I'm a 50 is the new 30 kind of guy. I'm tired of waiting for this to turn around, because it's not going to. We are still in love, and I want to protect the kids, but after a quarter century of dedicated fidelity I am looking at getting from outside the marriage what I cannot get in it. Good to have you here. I am sorry for the situation, but I do understand. There are lots of people here who will offer advice and a listening ear.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2017 20:03:37 GMT -5
Hey everyone.
I was on EP for several years with the same nickname, but was never very active on the ILIASM group.
My story is familiar to most here. Married 30 years. By official definition, my marriage has been sexless for at least 15 of them, probably more. When sex did happen it was starfish, "get it over with already" sex. I've been entirely sexless now for 18 months and haven't cuddled for close to a year. (Been literally kicked out of bed for trying. Gave up on that after three or four times.)
Wife has had medical issues but that's not the issue. We obviously have problems besides that, and I've come to realize in the past year that some of her complaints have merit (although whether I deserve to be punished by being deprived of touch is a different kettle of fish.) I'm going to counseling to work on my issues, and I like my counselor. Wife isn't interested in joint counseling - until I reach a point that she deems acceptable.
We are mostly friendly, with the occasional really bad flareup. At our 30th anniversary this year she said "30 years of friendship. Not so bad." She thought she was being nice. (I also got a pity hug.)
I'm not willing to go into details of the issues I have uncovered, but I am motivated to fix them - for myself, not for her.
I don't want to leave for various practical reasons. When we argue she threatens divorce, which doesn't scare me, but she really wants assurances that I wouldn't leave her.
For now, it is a life of loneliness and frustration, although I certainly never expect anything sexual from her any more. I do other hobbies to take up my time.
So...typical ILIASM.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2017 12:07:32 GMT -5
I don't want to leave for various practical reasons. When we argue she threatens divorce, which doesn't scare me, but she really wants assurances that I wouldn't leave her. She sounds a lot like my refuser. She threatened divorce regularly for 2 years. Then when I moved out, she acted devastated.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 9, 2017 18:37:46 GMT -5
I don't want to leave for various practical reasons. When we argue she threatens divorce, which doesn't scare me, but she really wants assurances that I wouldn't leave her. She sounds a lot like my refuser. She threatened divorce regularly for 2 years. Then when I moved out, she acted devastated. Surprise, eh? ROFL. One of my friends had a LL wife that caught him cheating and threatened divorce. He cocked his head any queried, "you can't even make it on my whole paycheck. What makes you think you can make it on half? She cried, and stayed.
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Post by rdp62 on Jun 10, 2017 15:40:58 GMT -5
Hello everyone, I'm here because of what we all have in common. All of our stories may not be the same but I'm hopeful I will find some support and do the same for all of you after reading some of your threads here. My story is quite complicated and long but I'll find the courage soon to start a thread and share it with all of you. : ) Mas from LA, CA Hi Mas fellow L.A. person!
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Post by tawnygirl on Jun 15, 2017 3:10:27 GMT -5
I am new to all this I really don't know how to start. I am in need of friends people who understands. I have been married twenty four years, and most have been miserable. I have been through hell with this man why do I stay. At first it was for our child now she's grown. Now, I am not able to work I have rheumatoid arthritis. I did work my ass off early on while he laid on his. We have a sex-less marriage, and the list goes on. I feel I am rambling on so I will stop here. I am glad to be here, and I hope to meet all you nice people. Peace Tawny Girl
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Post by baza on Jun 15, 2017 4:42:24 GMT -5
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Post by tawnygirl on Jun 15, 2017 7:49:04 GMT -5
Thank you! It sounds like my kind of place.
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 15, 2017 8:27:38 GMT -5
Welcome
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2017 10:03:25 GMT -5
tawnygirl welcome and you will find people who understand your situation and do care.
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Post by tawnygirl on Jun 15, 2017 10:27:41 GMT -5
Thank you Tiffany
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Post by tawnygirl on Jun 15, 2017 10:28:59 GMT -5
I sure have needed for someone to listen, thanks flashjohn.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2017 20:16:04 GMT -5
Welcome, yawned.
Talk to a lawyer. In many areas, the first visit is free and can provide you with lots of useful info. For instance, I learned that in my state, people who have been married at least 10 years are entitled to 50 % of the couple's assets and debts including each other's retirement income. Learning that gave me the confidence to exit my marriage of more than 30 years.
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