Post by takestwototango on Oct 26, 2017 10:46:50 GMT -5
waterlanding , sorry that you have to be here, but you are in a supportive place. Your story sounds a bit like mine, but I've only been married for 15 months. My H finally went to the dr yesterday, after I pressured him, to have his T-level checked. I'm hoping that is his problem, but we shall see. Anyways, welcome to this club that no one wants to be part of!
The community you have built here (and on EP) has been an encouragement to me over the years, as I have lurked and read. I have always been thankful to know that I am not alone. Many late nights I have come here crying. So tonight, I finally decided to join, and introduce myself.
I am married 9.5 years. Two years in, I was desperate with the state of our marriage (and sex was so complicated and rare) - I convinced my husband to come with me to a Christian sex therapist. That was so scary to do at the time, but I am so glad I did it. All that marriage therapy has kept us together, and greatly improved our communication, and our understanding of ourselves and how our background/families of origin/childhoods have affected us. However, our sex issues (which really are marriage issues) have not been solved. Most of the sex therapy part of the therapy couldn't be/wouldn't be followed through on because of my husband. I consider us in a sexless marriage now. My husband is in ongoing specialized therapy now, which is supposed to eventually help us. I frequently think, "but how long?"
I go through the cycle that is familiar to many: asking/begging for sex, being disappointed/let down/angry at the effort and outcome, promising myself I wont ask again because it hurts too much to go through the rejection/attempt, and then weeks or months later being desperate again. Tonight I am kicking myself for initiating after not asking (and not getting) for months.
Thank you all for sharing your stories. I am grateful to be here. I don't know how many of you have endured the pain so long.
I will share more of my story with you, and I have lot's of questions too!
Welcome truly and I'm glad you found us but also sorry you needed to. I've also been married 9 and 1/2 years. Very little sex for the whole time. Start up your own thread when you're ready to share more of your story.
Post by wastedyears on Nov 15, 2017 16:31:45 GMT -5
I've been reading some of your posts for a while now and can't tell you how much it has helped to know that I am not the only person in this situation! It amazes me how similar some of your thoughts, feelings and experiences are to my own. I honestly thought that these were issues unique to my relationship, which of course led me to believe that my SM was mostly my fault.
I'm 37 years old and have been with my H for 21 years (since I was 16!) and we've been sexless for 19 years. Our issues started almost immediately after we moved in together. We currently have sex an average of 3-4 times a year (if I'm lucky ). Every few years we'll have a short period of almost normal frequency, but it only lasts a few months at the most and then we're back to the same old thing. Like I said, for many years I wondered what was wrong with me that caused him not to want me. In the past year, however, it's like a lightbulb went off and I finally realized that it is HIM! I think I have always known, but didn't face it for some reason. Now I'm ready to call it quits on my marriage. I'm not sure if I can spend the rest of my life this way. I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it through the next few months.
Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. I have been very lonely for a long time and haven’t felt like I can talk to anyone about this. It feels good to know that there are people who understand.
Whenever you're comfortable with sharing more of your story, you should start up a thread in the "Sexless Marriage Issues" folder. It will be seen by more people and you may get a wider range of feedback. We're all here for you.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.
Hi. Been reading on here for a while, just signed up. I'm at the point of exit. Almost 4 years in, and the last 2.5 have been roughly once a month sex, but only if I pushed the issue. Some months none, and frequently lectures about "obligating" her to have "duty sex". Little to no intimacy in over a year and the sex has been getting worse. Anyway, we called it quits a few weeks ago, still living together but beginning to untangle our affairs in prep for moving apart. I'm a low level case compared to most on here!
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