archived introductions (Sept-Dec 2017)

Hey waterlanding - welcome. Glad to see you found the “place after EP” group.

Hello ILIASM,

The community you have built here (and on EP) has been an encouragement to me over the years, as I have lurked and read. I have always been thankful to know that I am not alone. Many late nights I have come here crying. So tonight, I finally decided to join, and introduce myself.

I am married 9.5 years. Two years in, I was desperate with the state of our marriage (and sex was so complicated and rare) - I convinced my husband to come with me to a Christian sex therapist. That was so scary to do at the time, but I am so glad I did it. All that marriage therapy has kept us together, and greatly improved our communication, and our understanding of ourselves and how our background/families of origin/childhoods have affected us. However, our sex issues (which really are marriage issues) have not been solved. Most of the sex therapy part of the therapy couldn't be/wouldn't be followed through on because of my husband. I consider us in a sexless marriage now. My husband is in ongoing specialized therapy now, which is supposed to eventually help us. I frequently think, "but how long?"

I go through the cycle that is familiar to many: asking/begging for sex, being disappointed/let down/angry at the effort and outcome, promising myself I wont ask again because it hurts too much to go through the rejection/attempt, and then weeks or months later being desperate again. Tonight I am kicking myself for initiating after not asking (and not getting) for months.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I am grateful to be here. I don't know how many of you have endured the pain so long.

I will share more of my story with you, and I have lot's of questions too!

truly welcome to the club no one wanted to be a member of.

Hi All,

I've been reading some of your posts for a while now and can't tell you how much it has helped to know that I am not the only person in this situation!  It amazes me how similar some of your thoughts, feelings and experiences are to my own.  I honestly thought that these were issues unique to my relationship, which of course led me to believe that my SM was mostly my fault.

I'm 37 years old and have been with my H for 21 years (since I was 16!) and we've been sexless for 19 years.  Our issues started almost immediately after we moved in together.  We currently have sex an average of 3-4 times a year (if I'm lucky  ).  Every few years we'll have a short period of almost normal frequency, but it only lasts a few months at the most and then we're back to the same old thing.  Like I said, for many years I wondered what was wrong with me that caused him not to want me.  In the past year, however, it's like a lightbulb went off and I finally realized that it is HIM!  I think I have always known, but didn't face it for some reason.  Now I'm ready to call it quits on my marriage.  I'm not sure if I can spend the rest of my life this way.  I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it through the next few months.

Thanks for letting me vent! 

Welcome wastedyears what a rough story. This is a good bunch of people with similarly rough stories gaining strength and support from each other. Welcome aboard!

Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. I have been very lonely for a long time and haven’t felt like I can talk to anyone about this. It feels good to know that there are people who understand.