archived introductions (Sept-Dec 2017)

I've been lurking and making a few comments so i figure I should introduce myself and my situation.
I am 34, have been with my husband since I was 19. We have two preteen kids.
Our relationship was great in the beginning. At least I thought it was however, looking back I see huge red flags I chose to overlook.
Our real issues stared around 2009. That's when sex became less and less and communication became more difficult.
I was a good and loving wife through it all until 2012 when yet another huge let down occurred and I decided I had had enough but was not willing to put my kids through a divorce. That day I decided I would stay until our youngest was done with high school in 2023.
I had my first affair on our anniversary in 2012. I ended up leaving my husband in 2013 for about 6 months then returned. He put on a great show and made huge changes and i decided to try again. It didn't last 1 month until things were back to normal. I decided I would put together a plan.
Over the past 5 years my life has been a rollercoaster. I've maintained my goal of staying for the kids. My husband has tried to reset at times and it just fades back. The last few years he has gotten ED and refuses to see a Dr about it so it makes it even worse. I have made it a Point to never say no to him when he does want sex. It's thankfully not to often but it is pretty gross when it does occur. Limp noodle heavily lubed and forced in till he cums in less than a minute. We don't kiss touch or play unless it's a show in front of people he will hug and kiss and it's depressingly fake.
After my first affair I kinda lost it. Knowing what I was missing and tasting amazing sex made home so much worse for a while. When i left in 2013 i went crazy and had sex with multiple partners and learned alot. I learned that I am desirable. I learned that I loved to have sex even more than I thought. I also learned that lying to partners could have devastating results on their life and mine. Im certain my husband knows i have had affairs. We dont talk about it but there have been comments and things that have occured that make it blatently know. I have calmed down a lot over the last years or so. I'd maintained a steady sexual partner for a while until recently when I met someone that was more than sex. It's long distant but it's amazing. Having the friendship, the intimacy and the great sex makes the goal of staying until 2023 look so unrealistic.
I am glad I was told about this forum from my ldr. It's nice to see somewhat similar situations and be able to relate to your stories.

Thanks, why didn't my avatar appear when I posted?

Hi everyone, I want to start by saying I love my wife, she is a beautiful person a wonderful Mother and a devoted wife. I’m fairly happy with my life but
The only thing missing is the reason I joined this group. I met my future wife in 9th grade. We have been married now for 23 years. In the past 8 or 9 years we have been intimate 3 times. We used to have a pretty good sex life but after the two kids she developed some gynecological issues (cists in the womb and eventual hysterectomy). After that the sex pretty much stopped. I’m not angry with her I don’t blame her for not wanting me anymore. I can understand the problem isn’t just psychological it’s mostly physical. I, on the other hand, am still as “randy” as I was in my 20’s and I miss the intimacy terribly. Notice I said intimacy, not just sex. Well that’s my intro story, have a nice day.

Hi everyone! I'm here because my relationship has been sexless for a year and a quarter. I've been with my partner for 8 years and believe that unfortunately he may have borderline personality disorder with a touch of covert, cerebral narcissism to boot. I made this realisation a couple of years ago after several years of confusion. At that point I started implementing boundaries around his verbal abuse of me which had been pretty bad until that point - weekly rages etc. Basically I left the house for a few hours every time he started yelling at me. It's worked insofar that after a few months he actually quit the verbal abuse. But then he ramped up the sexual withholding! which previous to that he had done at times when he was pissed off with me. But it has now turned into a permanent pattern. we are now in couples counselling (for the 4th time!) Lately I've been feeling pretty anxious and depressed. I think I have a lot of learnt helplessness and display some symptoms of PTSD like feeling frozen and dissociation. My partner and I have been reconnecting more on an emotional level for the last few months but for me that just really highlights the physical disconnect and that's very painful. Anyway that's my story and here I am! Maybe we can have some interesting chats!

I was hesitant to join this site, but my lack of intimacy with my wife as become unbearable. I have not been intimate with my wife for about twelve years. After having a child
and adopting a second, my wife lost all interest in sex. We have tried couples therapy, and I am currently in therapy myself for this issue.

Welcome, although I'm sorry that you found the need to look us up. I hope you find some support here.