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Post by DryCreek on Dec 15, 2017 17:35:56 GMT -5
rich22, welcome. I wish I had positive words for your situation, but the cold truth is that you're not likely to change things after 12 years. Not only is the behavior entrenched, it's fortified with steel and concrete by now. But I'd wish you the best if you were going to try. When you're comfortable, start your own thread in the Sexless Marriage Issues section and tell us more about how you came to be where you are. I think you'll find a lot of similarities with other stories here - there are different themes, but a lot of elements in common.
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Post by winter123 on Dec 18, 2017 9:33:56 GMT -5
Hi,
I am new here. I have been married for 7 years and been more or less in a sexless marriage for 5 years. I have addressed the issue with my husband so many times and now I just feel like a broken record. I love him but there is now so much resentment that I feel towards him that I am struggling to fight this battle. I am staying strong for our kids.
I need someone to talk to so look forward to hearing from you x
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Post by h on Dec 18, 2017 10:26:43 GMT -5
Welcome winter123 and I'm sorry that you feel the need to search for a place like this. I'm glad you found it though and I hope it helps. Whenever you feel comfortable, start a new thread to share your story in the SM Issues folder. There's lots of people here to listen (well, read really 😃) |
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Post by winter123 on Dec 18, 2017 11:22:35 GMT -5
Thanks h
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Post by emptynside on Dec 26, 2017 5:49:46 GMT -5
Hello! New here! Been married over 20 years, been sexless for almost half a year. I have a high libido, wife does not. She is not affectionate at all and has not been since we were dating and engaged. Have been for counselling, she hated it. I am still working with therapist, but feeling that the time is coming that I will need to leave because I am such an affectionate person. Probably haven't yet because of kids. Anyone else identify? Anyway, thanks for allowing me to be part of the group, I hope to learn lots from the forums.
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Post by h on Dec 26, 2017 7:25:20 GMT -5
Welcome emptynside to the club nobody wants to be a member of. I hope you find the support you need here. |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 26, 2017 13:35:47 GMT -5
emptynside, welcome, for what it's worth. Yes, there are many similar stories here, some like yours, many with a unique twist of their own. You're in familiar company.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 29, 2017 10:54:16 GMT -5
emptynside, I think you will find a number of us that identify. I never wanted to go to marriage counseling, because I sensed I would be told to be happy in my misery. Other than that, my story in a nutshell is her sex drive died the moment the ring went on, then reemerged when she realized she'd either have to pop out a kid or work for a living. I am staying for the kids, but I passed my breaking point earlier this year, after twenty-four years of neglect. My best wishes for you and yours.
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Post by blueeyedboytn on Dec 29, 2017 11:32:02 GMT -5
Hi all. I just wanted to thank everyone that shares their experiences with a sm here. I was directed to this forum by a friend and have been reading all I can. Wish i could put into words my experiences as eloquently as many as you have.
Being made aware that this happens way more than I ever imagined, is a huge help and helps me think about the subject a little different.
Thank you again to all of you! Hopefully at some point I can put my experiences into words to possibly help others as you all are helping me. So many are so similar to my experience i guess I could just copy and paste 😊
Thanks again and happy new years to all!
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Post by emptynside on Dec 30, 2017 5:37:12 GMT -5
emptynside , I think you will find a number of us that identify. I never wanted to go to marriage counseling, because I sensed I would be told to be happy in my misery. Other than that, my story in a nutshell is her sex drive died the moment the ring went on, then reemerged when she realized she'd either have to pop out a kid or work for a living. I am staying for the kids, but I passed my breaking point earlier this year, after twenty-four years of neglect. My best wishes for you and yours. ironhamster. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I am almost at the same stage as you. I love my kids and don't want to leave. I agree, its soooooo difficult to live with someone for over 20 years and not experience the emotional, sexual, physical connection without strings attached (ie, she want kids..., whats in in for me). I have had my wife time and again, so many times, say to me after I have asked for sex, "do you think you deserve sex tonight...?" How loaded a question is that? I have been the only one in our relationship to pursue counselling, she came in for some of it after the counselor asked. Then she proceeded to lie that I had been covering up that I was in counselling. She couldn't wait to get our when the counsellor said to her, "your husband has acknowledged his issues, where he has been wrong, where his is weak and he is working on them. You on the other hand (after asking for permission to share openly with her) confronted her on her perfectionist attitude of mostly passing the buck and making it all my problem. She has not once taken any responsibility for her part in our relationship. I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has actually apologized for hurt she has caused me over the years. How does it get to this? How does it get from the point where we can't keep our hands off each other when dating and engaged to, no real interest after marriage? It hurts. It hurts. I really don't want to leave my kids, I am super afraid if I do, she will try and manipulate me and this system to destroy me and not allow me access to my kids. Is this a legitimate concern? Have so much much more to ask and discuss. Thanks for sharing, its encouraging to know someone who has been in the same boat  |
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Post by h on Dec 30, 2017 6:11:27 GMT -5
Hi all. I just wanted to thank everyone that shares their experiences with a sm here. I was directed to this forum by a friend and have been reading all I can. Wish i could put into words my experiences as eloquently as many as you have. Being made aware that this happens way more than I ever imagined, is a huge help and helps me think about the subject a little different. Thank you again to all of you! Hopefully at some point I can put my experiences into words to possibly help others as you all are helping me. So many are so similar to my experience i guess I could just copy and paste 😊 Thanks again and happy new years to all! Welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of. Whenever you feel comfortable, start up your own thread in the SM Issues folder. It will be more widely read and may get you the feedback you need. Sorry you needed to look us up but glad you found us. |
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Post by M2G on Dec 30, 2017 7:19:22 GMT -5
Hi all. I just wanted to thank everyone that shares their experiences with a sm here. I was directed to this forum by a friend and have been reading all I can. Wish i could put into words my experiences as eloquently as many as you have. Being made aware that this happens way more than I ever imagined, is a huge help and helps me think about the subject a little different. Thank you again to all of you! Hopefully at some point I can put my experiences into words to possibly help others as you all are helping me. So many are so similar to my experience i guess I could just copy and paste 😊 Thanks again and happy new years to all! Hi blueeyedboytn - welcome to the group the none should need Don't worry about eloquence here - we're not grammar police. Best way I've found is to just start typing whatever comes to mind & organize later. Hope you have a happy New Year too. Cheers! |
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Post by flounder on Dec 30, 2017 9:41:52 GMT -5
Hi all.
Just stumbled onto this site a couple of days ago.
The stories I read are heartbreaking.
Heartbreaking because I know exactly how it feels.
Perhaps I’ll start a thread myself soon.
Kind of hard to open up when your used to nobody listening.
I do want to thank everyone here who has.
It’s good to know your not alone when you feel like you are.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 30, 2017 10:35:44 GMT -5
emptynside: ["do you think you deserve sex tonight...?" How loaded a question is that? ] I am not an empath, but my impression is that it is intended to be hurtful. It is intended to deter you from asking for something that, if everything really was great, she would be into anyway. She gets no pleasure? She has no desire? There is nothing good in it for her? The most important question I asked myself when I faced my wife's version of this was, "Is this really the kind of sex I want?" The echoing "no" response ended my requests for more.
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Post by h on Dec 30, 2017 20:25:09 GMT -5
Welcome flounder and feel free to share your story. We're here to listen (or read) so don't worry. Sorry you needed to look for this place but glad you found it. |
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