Ambivalent About Staying, But Not Going Anywhere Sept 19, 2016 19:40:12 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, misssunnybunny, and 11 more like this
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2016 19:40:12 GMT -5
Caveat: this is generally a positive site for women. Unfortunately, women on most chat sites are trolled, stalked, belittled and have to deal with mansplaining.
I will use the "I" pronoun so there is NO speculation about the source of my words. They are mine, and I stand behind them and take full responsibility for them.
Hi I'm Z, one of the women who is about ready to quit this site, permanently. I will share my experiences to give you a little snapshot of what women deal with.
I was a member of EP, but did not post on that site. The site was "too much of a good thing," and difficult to monitor, as it became a catch-all for any group under the sun. I was distressed by the fact that minors were chatting on the same site as adults, even though they did not have access to the NSFW/adult groups. Right.
I was a member of ILIASM since the 1st month and I became a benefactor because I thought the site was worth my monetary support. Since its inception this was a great place to spend some time.
We shared, commiserate, laughed, supported, celebrated milestones and mourned losses. Together.
The site became more popular and new folks joined, existing members left, or took a break and returned. EP trolls followed some of us here and sent inappropriate messages and posted vile comments to/about some of us (women).
Throughout that time, I felt like the men were on our team. It was ILIASM men and women against the trolls. Period.
That vibe does not exist anymore.
The vast majority of the members are great people who are here in the spirit of the site - to be with other folks who understand the complexities of living in a SM. If everyone was in that place, I would not be considering leaving.
Sadly, however, there are some men who simply do not like and are intimidated by strong women. They are "irritated " when a woman uses the word "mansplaining" to describe a pattern of discounting or poo-pooing comments by women. www.guernicamag.com/daily/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/
Many of the women on this site work with, around, and/or supervise men. We KNOW how to communicate with men. We do not need men to interpret our comments or thoughts.
Personally speaking, it makes my blood boil to have some milquetoasty, butthurt, woman-hating man (aka. Girl-hating Guy or GG for short) try to "tell" me what I mean or what I'm talking about. Makes me angry AF. Especially, the ones held up as "experts" in SM.
You want to know who the real "experts" at SM? The ones who figured out how to go from a sexless marriage to one with a full, intimate, hot, naughty and erotic sex life. With the SAME spouse.
Those people are NOT on this site, btw.
Since I didn't really care to deal with GGgs, so I stopped posting my comments on board after board. Even when I had something to contribute. I allowed MY voice to be silenced by some random internet schmuck.
It got so bad, that seeing certain names in a thread would lead me to logging out, without commenting. I missed my ILIASM friends. My women friends and 1 man, sent me personal messages, wondering where I was. The rest of people I thought were friends did not. That hurt.
I'm sure the GGs thought, "We're glad that man-hating bitch is gone. She's so aggressive and gets in our faces, and doesn't know her place." Trust me. I read your veiled comments. I'm not stupid. I also know that since I can dish it out, I have to be prepared to take it.
Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. I lurked, saw the same "all women are bad" types of comments, be challenged by women. Then the "you don't understand how I feel" BS comments posted by the GGs - to women who were trying to HELP. SMH
Some people love wallowing in their own pathos, and if that's your bag? Cool. Just don't drag people who are doing the hard work of finding the POSITIVE parts of life into your dark hole. It's exhausting and gets old fast.
This week three AMAZING women left ILIASM - helentishappy, @elle and mountainrunner. These aren't some random, storybook one-in-a-million girls. They are once in a lifetime WOMEN. Like the rest of the women here. We listen to y'all rip other women (usually your refusers) to shreds, make a generalization about "all women" and STILL we try to build y'all up.
In fact the LAST comments those two women made were in support of men in SM. But, you're so poisoned against us, that you couldn't keep from saying something negative to them.
SHAME ON YOU.
I suspect the Mods will ask me to delete myself after this rant, and I will abide by their wishes. But, if I stay, I will no longer censor my own voice. Because someone needs to say build a bridge and get over it. YOUR anger/sadness/shitstorm of your own making is YOURS. OWN IT.
I'M DONE BEING QUIET.