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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 14, 2017 11:16:07 GMT -5
More like Rik wandering up to women and telling them what nice blouses they're wearing! Religion does prevent me more than any single factor, apart from guilt: I would feel I'd have broken my marriage vows - the 'for worse' bit, specifically. A FWB would be the perfect solution otherwise. But come to think of it, where do middle aged married men even look for FWBs? Of all the social groups, I'd imagine they - we - are in the least sexual demand. At age 53 I have the same questions about FWB and no experience to give answers. But the "for worse "part? Well... there's a whole lot more going on with those wedding vows that religion likes to sweep under the rug. In the name of "religion". However reading and studying the Bible, you will find much more to back your case of ending the marriage, when and if you choose. Some thoughts that come to mind. To have and to hold. = She's not allowing any having or any holding. To love and to cherish = Zero loving and zero cherishing. To honor and respect = she offers you no honor and no respect. You took a vow to give all your intimacy and desire for sex to one person on this planet for the rest of your life. That does not give a spouse the right to say " I no longer need it, want it, or desire it from you or anyone. So you better not give it to another person ever!" That's when it's time to "say good by to crazy". |
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Post by orangepeel on Apr 14, 2017 11:35:41 GMT -5
You're right and I get it, but a vow's a vow: whether I keep mine isn't dependent on whether she keeps hers - unfortunate it works like that, but there it is.
That's only one reason I won't stray though (or at least don't intend to): I'm not really built that way and was actually a bit rubbish at promiscuity even when I was single!
So basically, my sexual options are nil: hence my presence here. All ova say though is how nice and affirming it is of you and others to listen and engage: that's really, really helpful.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 14, 2017 11:56:45 GMT -5
Here's one to ponder for you orangepeel... if the vows had included celibacy, would you have still taken them? |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 14, 2017 12:03:48 GMT -5
And while I'm at it(lol) what does your wife say when you do bring up the subject? What is her justification for denying you the most precious thing on earth?
It may be that she is sick, and can't? It may be that she has hang ups?
There are millions of "reasons" or "excuses". But the upshot of it all is that you chose to share the gift of your sexuality with one woman when you married her... and she backed out.
Has an "open marriage" ever been discussed? It's not hugely successful as far as tactics go it seems. But it does work for some.
Can you really spend the rest of your life sexless?
X
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 14, 2017 12:10:24 GMT -5
And just before I go cooking orangepeel thought these might cheer you up  |
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Post by orangepeel on Apr 14, 2017 13:25:49 GMT -5
Thank you! That's really kind and thoughtful!
Though I think I'm nearer the cobwebs end of the no-panties continuum.....
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 14, 2017 15:35:34 GMT -5
Hello everyone. The name's Peel. Orange Peel. Which is about as close as I get to James Bond, because I bet he's had sex at some point in the last four and a half years. My story, as I gather from long-time lurking, is like many others: married for 22 years, at it like rabbits before and after the big day, kids arrive (lovely kids now late teens), a general slowdown, then a massive nosedive and then two years of grudging pity sex before I decided that I wasn't going to be said no to again and so stopped asking. And so sex has totally stopped. My wife doesn't seem to have noticed and barely acknowledges it when I try (admittedly Infrequently) to address the issue. She just carries on blithely while I spend about one waking minute in every six - for four and a half years! - either thinking about it or trying not to think about it. (I was going to add then 'if you know what I mean', but the beauty of this community is that I know you'll know what I mean.) So, I've done with rationalising this as it doesn't achieve anything - the writ of the mind doesn't extend to the emotions - and to keep my morale up I know this has little to do with me: women are attracted to me, thank God, otherwise I'd shrivel up into a ball of self loathing. But given that sex is now over, and given too that I won't leave my wife or have an affair (it's just not me), I have no option but to face up to this with the support, I hope, of fellow iliasmics like you! Pleased to meet you all, by the way. I should add that I'm British. I don't know why I said that: must be British guilt at self-disclosure. John Steed meets 007. All I can visualise is the bowler and the brolly!! |
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Post by orangepeel on Apr 14, 2017 16:02:47 GMT -5
You're all so kind! Thank you!
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 14, 2017 16:27:07 GMT -5
More like Rik wandering up to women and telling them what nice blouses they're wearing! Religion does prevent me more than any single factor, apart from guilt: I would feel I'd have broken my marriage vows - the 'for worse' bit, specifically. A FWB would be the perfect solution otherwise. But come to think of it, where do middle aged married men even look for FWBs? Of all the social groups, I'd imagine they - we - are in the least sexual demand. At age 53 I have the same questions about FWB and no experience to give answers. But the "for worse "part? Well... there's a whole lot more going on with those wedding vows that religion likes to sweep under the rug. In the name of "religion". However reading and studying the Bible, you will find much more to back your case of ending the marriage, when and if you choose. Some thoughts that come to mind. To have and to hold. = She's not allowing any having or any holding. To love and to cherish = Zero loving and zero cherishing. To honor and respect = she offers you no honor and no respect. You took a vow to give all your intimacy and desire for sex to one person on this planet for the rest of your life. That does not give a spouse the right to say " I no longer need it, want it, or desire it from you or anyone. So you better not give it to another person ever!" That's when it's time to "say good by to crazy". It's very often 1 Corinthians 13 (Love is patient, love is kind...) that is used at weddings etc. However, read what Paul says earlier in I Corinthians 7. He says not to "deprive each other" unless it is for the *sole* purpose of praying and fasting together. Nevertheless, I understand the dilemma. |
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Post by orangepeel on Apr 14, 2017 16:39:13 GMT -5
That's interesting. The bottom line, though, is that marriage is a pretty irreversible commitment gamble - and on a key area, I lost.
I won on others, mind.
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 14, 2017 16:43:47 GMT -5
That's interesting. The bottom line, though, is that marriage is a pretty irreversible commitment gamble - and on a key area, I lost. I won on others, mind. Totally understand |
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Post by Black Eagle on Apr 15, 2017 15:20:57 GMT -5
Well I'm new to this site but it is interesting and good to know that I'm not alone. I've been married for over 35 years and we've been in a sexless marriage for about 15 years. Divorce is not really an option for lots of reasons but most importantly I want to continue to have the benefits of my adult children and grandchildren and financially were better is to stand independently as divorce people. We've been living in separate bedrooms for about 14 years and we've broken retired from the last five years. We travel well together and enjoy company with other people and they seem to enjoy our company. I wife is never interested in talking about our sexless marriage or solutions to it. I made it to having affairs about seven years ago and that seem to be the nail in the coffin I said to her interest in me. We operate more like roommates and companions with no benefits. We settle argue and less we talk or I talk about this issue of intimacy.
I think I had to put her with the image of my wife in a position she's not interested in me so I'm not interested in her nor is she someone I should be attracted to. That allowed me over the last few years to Avoid being angry at her about this issue in our relationship. I would suspect that if one of us won the lottery and all of my financial obligations for taking care of we will probably still be friends but live separate and apart. As to have an affairs I haven't been engaged in that lane for over 14 years but I suspect if the opportunity presents itself I would probably consider it or maybe not I just don't know. I do know that this site is already helping me recognize that I'm not the only person in this situation. It is also helpful that other women appear to find me attractive as of them in find my wife attractive. I don't know if there's any advice here to be given but knowing that there are others in this strange world of a sexless marriage gives me some comfort. I suspect I will continue to work hard to stay in shape and present A a a positive positive image of myself to the outside world. Who knows where things well eventually end up. All of our children or adults and doing fairly well and our grandchildren are growing a quick pace also. I stay involved in the community and she is slowly but Surely doing things outside the house. It would be nice to have someone to be intimate with as I remain fairly healthy as a senior citizen but I don't think that's going to happen with the woman in the room across the house from me. I look forward to hearing how others continue to meet the challenge of living in these kind of relationships. I never really thought I was alone I just thought most people never really talked about living the way we live. I often tell everyone that I'm in a roommate/companion type of relationship versus a traditional marriage.
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Post by nancyb on Apr 15, 2017 17:31:14 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum Black Eagle. I hope you find some solace here.
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 15, 2017 21:16:59 GMT -5
Hi Black Eagle, you are correct - you are not alone. None of us wish to be in this situation, but here we are. So, we help and support each other as much as we can and share our experiences and the lessons learned from them. I sincerely hope you find resources here to help you in your SM.
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Post by allworkandnoplay on Apr 15, 2017 23:28:03 GMT -5
As I have been mia for a little while, I will say welcome aboard to all of the new members. I hope you can all find some support here, I know I have.
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