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h, My roomie has a long history of doing this.  I no longer care.  I brush off any suggestion she might make by saying, "Just words."  It makes her mad, but I don't really care at this point.

dd, When I was at a hockey tournament a couple of years ago, a number of the parents got together and we were drinking (heavily) until the wee hours of the morning.  Someone brought up the topic of "wifely duties".  There were 3 responses -- One raised her hand and proudly proclaimed, "I'll take care of my wifely duties myself, thank you very much."  One of the men described how his fiance finds a way to take care of her duties, sometimes grabbing a blanket and pulling him into the shed when the kids are around.  The third person described how she did not want to do that anymore and that she was HAPPY that her husband had a young girlfriend to take care of those things so that she didn't have to.  So there you go, a cross section of possibilities... a willing spouse, a more than willing girlfriend, and a spouse willing to allow her man to get it somewhere else.  I did not chime in about my situation simply because I felt it would have been a mood-killer and we were all having fun.

Update.

I haven't done much to make things better for me.
Went through 2019 with me not initiating except for a few times.
Essentially sex went from monthly to quarterly in my initiating. Even with that low frequency, I got turned down the last few times only for me to get upset, at which point she came back with pity sex which I at first was going to turn down, but then figured I had to take advantage of. In turn, it was not great.

Have had conversations about just getting physical contact... a touch here or there.
I've been getting used to this but of course crave something better.
The idea of separating doesn't seem right because of the possible impact on the kids.

Recently she got upset because of discussing how we were going to pay for our kids college. Her plans are more extravagant than man, but she wasn't working. She has now returned to work to help cover for that.

It's an odd situation, and at this point it seems like I'm waiting for the kids to hit the right age to make a move. I really feel at this point I am here to be the father in our family and that's it.

Several months back she suggested we sleep in different rooms due to my snoring (which isn't horribly frequent). I was upset when she brought it up then. She mentioned it again this morning after not sleeping well last night and she had to go to work.

The issue I have is if we slept in separate beds, the idea of me coming to her room to initiate something would never be received well. At this point my hand touching her in our king size bed is enough to yield sighs of disappointment.

Interesting to see this post from a couple years ago.

We are good dependable roommates at this point.

Part of my issue is I'm generally to much of a giver and a pleaser. If I had more backbone or was more selfish, we'd probably have a lot more fights and things would have resolved themselves by now.


My oldest son who is driving age and I were driving back from an event one night and the conversation came up and he said something like "I wonder what it would be like if you weren't married to mom. You would be a lot different I think."

I found that interesting. Part of me things he was almost ready to say "You would be a lot happier", but he went with different.

Take her up on the second bedroom, it will help you start taking back your life.

I don't think my oldest son thinks about it a lot but I think he worries about it sometimes.

I sent my wife a text letting her know I moved my stuff to the guest room, but she replied that isn't what she wants.

Okay...It really doesn't matter for me at this point because I'm not getting any either way.
At the point we are in separate rooms it will become a bit obvious to the kids and her family when visiting.


Publicly she likes to put on an act that things are good and then call out my short-comings in a group setting.

It's kind of an odd comeback to reply in a group setting that the other is asexual.

If your son actually vocalized a comment about it, I guarantee it has been on his mind for alot longer than you think. Talking about it is usually the last thing they do because saying it out loud makes it seem more real to them. Thoughts in your head can come and go and be dismissed, but words, once spoken, can never be unspoken after that.

As to your wife making comments in public, call her out on it in public. I did the same thing and my W stopped making negative comments about me in front of others once she realized I wouldn't let it go unanswered. Be prepared to stick up for yourself. If she has a pattern of certain comments, rehearse some possible responses to them that you have thought out in advance. Make her see that if she wants to drag your name through the mud, you'll take her down with you. More than likely, once she sees that you're willing to fire back, she'll stop because she won't want to risk her own image.

Always denied,

It would be a good idea to see a lawyer now and to find out not only how to prep for divorce but also how you could gain full custody and get your sons completely out of a hellish childhood.

Guys, I have to say, I think a lot of women marry men for money!

As a woman who's always tried to be responsible and work and help pay my way, I find that extremely disgusting and distressing.

I just find it interesting that men put up with such financially irresponsible wives in this day and age. Not all women are princesses. Even women who don't work can be thrifty and save money instead of expecting the man to pay for everything.

Anyway, most women do work. At least after the kids are grown. So I would suggest finding a working woman for your future marriages, or at least one who isn't so darn spoiled.