dd
Junior Member
Posts: 50 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by dd on Jul 20, 2021 13:55:32 GMT -5
Hi all.
We started seeing a counselor last week.
The session was good, but I don't know how useful.
I'm a bit worried about it just being a "you guys aren't communicating well", thing.
Well, I think we're both communicating very well. She knows what I want or what would make me happy and it's not happening. It's not like we are miss-communicating needs.
And I've been working to do my best to meet all of her needs everywhere else, but it's not good enough.
Don't know if there is a silver bullet on this one.
I seem to think it's her move next, and she's acting like I have 10 more moves to make before she considers herself lowering herself to meet my needs.
We go again this week and we'll see what develops over time. Meanwhile the clock continues to tick.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 20, 2021 18:21:28 GMT -5
Hi all. We started seeing a counselor last week. The session was good, but I don't know how useful. I'm a bit worried about it just being a "you guys aren't communicating well", thing. Well, I think we're both communicating very well. She knows what I want or what would make me happy and it's not happening. It's not like we are miss-communicating needs. And I've been working to do my best to meet all of her needs everywhere else, but it's not good enough. Don't know if there is a silver bullet on this one. I seem to think it's her move next, and she's acting like I have 10 more moves to make before she considers herself lowering herself to meet my needs. We go again this week and we'll see what develops over time. Meanwhile the clock continues to tick. It's only been a week,but.... it sounds like your counselor needs to look at your wife and say " you lack empathy. It's a critical deficit." Then look at you and say " you are a major enabler." Somehow I doubt you will hear these words, however YOU could bring them up yourself! Don't expect your wife to want to stay long for counselling. You could then continue with self help through counselling. medium.com/the-virago/i-stayed-in-marriage-counseling-alone-5ae6b95ec621 |
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dd
Junior Member
Posts: 50
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by dd on Jul 24, 2021 23:01:27 GMT -5
We went to our seconds session.
We did enneagram profiles over the last 10 days or so to see what are types are.
My wife is appreciating the counseling, and she's working through it. It's been more emotional for her than me. I'm not saying I've been cold, but I think she's been facing some questions that are showing her she has things to work through and should have for sometime. I don't have a read on my counselor on whether she thinks I have major issues or not, but I think she's identifying some concerns on my wife.
Of course, maybe I'm 100% wrong and I'm a narcissist without realizing it.
I think the counseling could be very helpful for my wife, and probably for me, but it still might lead us to a realization that we're not supposed to be together, and my wife could be the one discovering that as we go through this.
In the end, we both might go through this for a while, and it might be productive for both of us, and understanding each other deeper, but in the end, I'll still lack intimacy from her which means we'll need to go separate ways.
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