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Post by lessingham on Nov 14, 2022 3:43:20 GMT -5
I am not quitting this time. And I am searching for my self esteem wherever I can find it.
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She won
Nov 14, 2022 4:59:40 GMT -5
Post by mirrororchid on Nov 14, 2022 4:59:40 GMT -5
... maybe being a lacky to my sexless wife is as good as it gets in my world. Or was. Now I am determined to improve, grow and find a better inner vision of myself. Today I am going to a model soldier exhibition by myself. "Or was." Really like those words. Tell us how the exhibition went, won't you?
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Post by lessingham on Nov 15, 2022 3:19:54 GMT -5
The show went well, argued with the entry guy over the fee. A positive thing. Talked to lots of people about a hobby that used to be important to me and had fun. Feeling good about myself today so yah boo sucks to the blue meanies!
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2022 12:53:22 GMT -5
Lessingham, so what's next on your list of things to do to enrich your life?
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Post by lessingham on Nov 19, 2022 3:24:09 GMT -5
Afternoon tea with the neighbours. I am normally a recluse but today I will accept their invite for tea. I even bought biccies! A baby step but okay.
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She won
Nov 21, 2022 8:29:09 GMT -5
via mobile
h likes this
Post by lessingham on Nov 21, 2022 8:29:09 GMT -5
Apparently, being over 65 is now an excuse for no sex!!!!! I always used to argue with her in the past thast she was delaying and delaying our sex life until we (she) was too old.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 21, 2022 9:35:12 GMT -5
Apparently, being over 65 is now an excuse for no sex!!!!! I always used to argue with her in the past thast she was delaying and delaying our sex life until we (she) was too old. That could also be the case when the couple is over 60. My X used to tell me "we are too old for that" as one of the excuses not to be intimate. Perhaps she was too old but my penis kept telling me something different. Your posts are becoming more enjoyable. You seem to be ever so incrementally asserting some independence from your controlling and abusive W. Keep it up lessingham. We are all pulling for you.
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She won
Nov 21, 2022 12:44:01 GMT -5
via mobile
h likes this
Post by heelots on Nov 21, 2022 12:44:01 GMT -5
Apparently, being over 65 is now an excuse for no sex!!!!! I always used to argue with her in the past thast she was delaying and delaying our sex life until we (she) was too old. My wife decided that 29 was too old for that nonsense (her age when I married her) 🤣 Surely it has dried up and either closed up or fallen out by now! In fact, I suspect all that remains is a scar and a small hole so she can pee! 😆
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Post by lessingham on Nov 22, 2022 5:19:27 GMT -5
Well that went well!! Another refusal this morning. I said from now on you don't get to refuse sex. She replied I am not doing that kinky stuff, I countered with why was the first thing you said negative? During the resulting row sgmhe denied saying she was too old now for sex. And it went from there. But I did not back down and did not apologise. I suppose it is sulks and silences for the rest of the day.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 22, 2022 9:22:23 GMT -5
lessingham: Saying, "you don't get to refuse sex"is abusive. Standing up for yourself and accepting the reality of your marriage (that your wife is emotionally and verbally abusive, manipulative, and has no interest in sex with you and also prefers that you not even masturbate) doesn't mean treating your wife like she is a sex slave. At best, you don't have a spouse, you have a roommate -- an abusive, manipulative one at that. Accept that and figure out the actions that you will take in response for you to be able to have the best life you can have. You can't control your wife. Trying to coerce her into sex isn't going to give you or her a better life nor is it going to convince her to have sex with you, the kind of sex that both of you enjoy, sex in which you know you're desired, not resented.
You have choices that are within the range of the possible. It is not possible for you to force your wife to sexually desire you or to enjoy sex with you. Take that off the table. Stop asking for and hoping for the impossible. Stop arguing with her about what she said or didn't say about sex. That's not going to change her mind either.
You can choose to stay and bow to her wishes that you not outsource, use porn or masturbate. You can do that even though outsourcing, porn, and masturbation are all under your control as she can't prevent you from doing those things
You can choose to stay while you outsource, use porn and/or masturbate. You also can take whatever consequences she desires to impose if she catches you. But, honestly, what consequences can she impose beside divorce -- and would that really upset you? If she berates you, you can walk away or even laugh in her face.
You can choose to divorce and be open to living a life under your control -- without having a spouse who tries to stop you from being you.
Or you can choose to keep doing what you've been doing: Living in misery and complaing about misery while expecting that your wife will change.
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She won
Nov 23, 2022 4:20:51 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Nov 23, 2022 4:20:51 GMT -5
I stand corrected. And I do not want a sex slave. I do not want anything but the expectaton and hope of a yes.
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She won
Nov 23, 2022 6:20:51 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 23, 2022 6:20:51 GMT -5
I stand corrected. And I do not want a sex slave. I do not want anything but the expectaton and hope of a yes. Something I have learned is to study the meaning of "hope". ( I believe the word "hope" is used in the bible 129 times?) There is also the flip side of having "hope". It's called "false hope"- putting your faith, believe ,and trust, in idols and false promises. Fear , obligation, and guilt ( F.O.G.) plays a huge factor in having false hope. It's something you have to keep in check daily. In many ways you are doing that, with your new goals and ambitions! BRAVO. Just be aware of the false hopes....(like hoping someone else will change)
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Post by blunder8 on Nov 23, 2022 9:58:35 GMT -5
I stand corrected. And I do not want a sex slave. I do not want anything but the expectaton and hope of a yes. Stay strong. Reach down deep and find that confidence and build it up. No one else can. She will notice. It may piss her off or it may attract her to you. But your course ahead lies in your confidence and your decisions.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 23, 2022 15:49:41 GMT -5
lessingham: "And I do not want a sex slave. I do not want anything but the expectaton and hope of a yes."
If you are waiting for a sincere "yes" from your wife, that's an example of false hope. She has showed you repeated who she is, how little she cares about you, and how disinterested she is in sex with you. Believe her. It would be far better to pin your hopes -- and actions -- on your taking the ACTIONS under YOUR control to provide a happier life for you. Waiting for your wife to change will keep you mired in the same misery you've endured for years. Waiting for her to change her personality and her mind is a waste of your remaining time.
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Post by Apocrypha on Nov 24, 2022 1:12:48 GMT -5
Well that went well!! Another refusal this morning. I said from now on you don't get to refuse sex. She replied I am not doing that kinky stuff, I countered with why was the first thing you said negative? During the resulting row sgmhe denied saying she was too old now for sex. And it went from there. But I did not back down and did not apologise. I suppose it is sulks and silences for the rest of the day. But you did not have sex. And she can most certainly refuse, and did, and can. Many people in this spot eventually discover that their partner would sooner divorce them than have sex with them. Those rejected partners who are still "in the fog" frame this as a choice they'd rather not face, because of the risk to the relationship. Those who emerge from the fog frame it differently: they see that the relationship is already lost, and that's why their partner won't have sex with them. I've seen hundreds of these things, and I can't think of any situations in which focusing on a partner, chasing them for sex, and putting one's life on hold on the chance they might want it - actually helped. But, I've seen people improve their own lives, discover their hobbies, make time for friends, themselves, and generally, becoming more interesting and attractive people - and that's helped put them on strong footing when the next chapter happened. I don't think I'd ever want sex with someone who doesn't want it with me. Tends to backfire.
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