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Post by h on Sept 7, 2017 9:28:05 GMT -5
Hi Northstarmom, There is no rule, I know. But i don't feel comfortable telling my family and friends about it. They know my marriage is not perfect but it's that one issue I won't discuss with anyone..not yet at least. You don't have to blurt it out. The next time there's a joke about sex, you can add to it, something like, sex what's that? Is that the thing we had 2 years ago? That's how I brought it up to my family. My younger sister just had her first baby and I was asked when we were going to start. I replied that it was a little difficult to have children without sex. That was the conversation opener and it went from there.
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Post by noregretz on Sept 10, 2017 0:17:51 GMT -5
Good lord,
Where does one begin?
OK. 60 year old man. Married for 37 years, four kids. Living away from family for past three years in another state (job reasons). No intimacy with wife since about the age of 40 (after last child). We never were equally yoked in that regard. She's very religious and getting more so (which is fine), but it provides her rationale for why it's OK not to be intimate with me (sex being for reproduction only, etc). Lots of damage in her past from an abusive upbringing, etc.... I have nothing but compassion for her in my heart.. I've been through all of the emotional stuff... Low self esteem, anger, depression etc, still struggling to find peace in my life. I'm healthy, sexy and unfortunately celebate. I strayed last year with someone I met and she wanted more than I was capable of giving... long story, but I didnt want to break any hearts...not my style. Anyways, I'm here, hoping to find solace with other people who suffer with this situation.
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Post by h on Sept 10, 2017 0:25:00 GMT -5
Good lord, Where does one begin? OK. 60 year old man. Married for 37 years, four kids. Living away from family for past three years in another state (job reasons). No intimacy with wife since about the age of 40 (after last child). We never were equally yoked in that regard. She's very religious and getting more so (which is fine), but it provides her rationale for why it's OK not to be intimate with me (sex being for reproduction only, etc). Lots of damage in her past from an abusive upbringing, etc.... I have nothing but compassion for her in my heart.. I've been through all of the emotional stuff... Low self esteem, anger, depression etc, still struggling to find peace in my life. I'm healthy, sexy and unfortunately celebate. I strayed last year with someone I met and she wanted more than I was capable of giving... long story, but I didnt want to break any hearts...not my style. Anyways, I'm here, hoping to find solace with other people who suffer with this situation. Welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of. Very sorry for your situation. My family is very religious and my wife says that she is but doesn't really act it (hasn't opened up a Bible in more years than I can count). Religion can't be used to deny sex in marriage. I would ask your wife to read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 and see what she says. Maybe a post in the sexless marriage issues folder would get you some advice for coping.
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Post by dinnaken on Sept 10, 2017 1:45:45 GMT -5
Hi noregretz You're not on your own (I'm 59, my wife is very religious and I last had sex at the age of 44) There is lots of support and advice to be had here. All the best
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 14:08:08 GMT -5
Good lord, Where does one begin? OK. 60 year old man. Married for 37 years, four kids. Living away from family for past three years in another state (job reasons). No intimacy with wife since about the age of 40 (after last child). We never were equally yoked in that regard. She's very religious and getting more so (which is fine), but it provides her rationale for why it's OK not to be intimate with me (sex being for reproduction only, etc). Lots of damage in her past from an abusive upbringing, etc.... I have nothing but compassion for her in my heart.. I've been through all of the emotional stuff... Low self esteem, anger, depression etc, still struggling to find peace in my life. I'm healthy, sexy and unfortunately celibate. I strayed last year with someone I met and she wanted more than I was capable of giving... long story, but I didn't want to break any hearts...not my style. Anyways, I'm here, hoping to find solace with other people who suffer with this situation. Sorry for your situation my friend. Apparently, your W is very selective about what parts of the Bible she believes. I can understand why you would outsource after 20 years of celibacy. I hope you tell the entire story when you are ready.
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Post by bobsmith on Sept 11, 2017 15:12:58 GMT -5
Yes. My marriage is sexless. Obviously that is why I am here. I love my wife, but I need that physical connection and gratification. I am a patient person but I am only human. I am considering other options.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2017 16:27:44 GMT -5
Yes. My marriage is sexless. Obviously that is why I am here. I love my wife, but I need that physical connection and gratification. I am a patient person but I am only human. I am considering other options. Welcome Bob. Why don't you post more about your story in SM issues?
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Post by McRoomMate on Sept 13, 2017 10:37:06 GMT -5
Yes. My marriage is sexless. Obviously that is why I am here. I love my wife, but I need that physical connection and gratification. I am a patient person but I am only human. I am considering other options. Welcome bobsmith If you are new here. I would suggest posting your story or what is on your mind in the "Sexless Marriage" section and see the support and responses from all the good folks here.
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jenjen
New Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by jenjen on Sept 14, 2017 5:34:29 GMT -5
Hi I recently decided it was time to find a way to get some info about my situation-aka just a few days from a 12yr almost completely sexless marriage. Not completely his fault at the beginning, but circumstances have changed & I feel hideous. We sleep in a queen bed, him on his side & myself clinging on to the edge afraid my toe will cross the line. I have literally fallen out of bed onto our hardwood floors more than a dozen times. I am 44, he's just 6mos older, & we have no children. Prior to our marriage we dated for almost 9yrs, & I had a ton of medical problems including 6 back to back knee surgeries. In between #5 & #6 we decided to get married, all 75+extra pounds on me due to the surgeries. Even on our gorgeous Hawaiian honeymoon we only slept together once, & that was after I felt like I shamed him. Fast forward 11+years & my health has greatly improved & I've lost over 60lbs. I feel somewhat sexy again, & have talked to him many times about our sexless marriage. He ends up saying he'll change, we make love once, only to go another 4-5mos until I pressure him again. I'm tired of feeling like a nasty piece of garbage & want to have my husband & our relationship to deepen in ways it never has properly. He has went to the Dr & had bloodwork, which he was prescribed Viagra, due to his blood pressure meds causing etectile issues. Still the sex had not increased & it's been many months. I guess you could say I'm just looking for a place to find others dealing w/this situation & so I won't feel so alone. Thanks for reading!
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Post by h on Sept 14, 2017 5:45:00 GMT -5
Hi jenjen and welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of. My situation isn't quite as bad as yours but similar. I went on a honeymoon to Hawaii for 10 days and only got one episode of guilt-induced pity sex and since then, have had to pressure my W for any activity at all so that struck a nerve with me. Anyway, I hope you find support here. You're among friends.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 14, 2017 10:24:22 GMT -5
Welcome aboard jenjen. Thanks for coming forward and introducing yourself. It can be a weary and lonely road we travel at times. So having some company, even if online, can be somewhat welcome. You'll find we are an eclectic band of SMers here. I am sorry that you had to find this forum but hope you find some comfort or at least an outlet for distraction while you are here. Have a look around, read some stories, ask questions, advice or for support. Its a world wide audience so whatever time you choose to engage someone is usually around. If you feel like posting more of your story in the Sexless Marriage Issues folder the community is pretty good about chiming in from all sort of view points. Welcome again!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2017 11:20:48 GMT -5
welcome jenjen. I know your situation is tough. We have all been there. If you want, you can post a long version of your story & present situation in SM Issues.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2017 11:24:21 GMT -5
jenjen, please know that this isn't your fault. It sounds like you have tried to talk with about the changes you'd like to see, and he's stonewalling. I hate SMs, because we refused ones almost always feel like it's our fault and feel ashamed. Welcome to our group. We help each other.
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jenjen
New Member
Posts: 3
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by jenjen on Sept 15, 2017 1:20:15 GMT -5
Thank you h! I keep thinking back about how strange our entire marriage must look to others & realize that if I don't do something quick, I may end up miserable the rest of my life. I just cannot imagine going on another 20+ years without any intimacy, or having to confront him every 3-6mos to remind him how long it's been. We are both only children which I believe is one of our biggest problems, We have separate living rooms that we sit in every night, we only eat together at family events or if we go out which is very rare, & the only time we spend together is going to the grocery store or rarely a double date with friends. It's killing me inside, & honestly I believe if I could have an affair without ending up getting murdered, raped or dismembered-I probably would. Thanks again for the support!
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Post by h on Sept 15, 2017 7:13:31 GMT -5
jenjen you should start a thread in the "Sexless Marriage Issues" tab. Then you can expand on your story more. More people read there more regularly than here. You may get some better responses.😃
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